Monday, December 18, 2006

looming....

Yes, the season to be jolly is just around the corner.... and with it comes the season of much baking.

For some crazy reason, I did it again!
Yep, little spicy men did fill up the kitchen over the weekend. It took me a while to get back into the swing of things this year, but I did manage to make a good little pile of the men to give away to clients and friends. I have a box full to be sent down south to the friends who write to say they are missing the baking fiascos. :)

I'm still in limbo status... wondering what it would be like to actually unpack and get my own computer out again. Probably not such a bad thing to not have the time, space or computer available to sit here for ages. Although I really have missed catching up on what's been going on with so many wonderful people.

Bring on the new year when I will have to decide should I stay or should I go?

I don't mean that in a bad way... more of an... let the adventures begin.

Exciting stuff!

Anyway... wanted to say HI.... to let you know that I am thinking of you, and just in case this doesn't happen again....until the new year that is;

A very merry Christmas to you all. Praying that you would have one filled with love, peace and blessings. And that you would have time to stop and reflect on all that this holiday is about.

Peace and joy.

xxxx

Saturday, November 25, 2006

mucking around

I went and got a whole lot of photos printed last night, and must say I'm really happy with some of them. A few didn't come out with very good contrast at all, but I guess I'll just have to keep looking around at different places to get prints done.
I'm thinking so far, the online company has been the best.

Anyway.... now I have most of my pics on this computer - so I can start posting them again. :) hehehe

I'm heading over to the beach shortly for a friends 30th birthday. We're going cruising around the Tauranga Harbour tonight, so praying for gorgeous weather. It was a stunning clear night last night - where the stars were seriously twinkling. Hopefully tonight will be more of the same.
So, staying down there at some snazzy place on the beach with another friend that I haven't seen in AGES.

Tomorrow I'm heading up to Auckland to catch up with some friends from Christchurch who are up for the U2 concert. Will be nice to hang out with them for a couple of hours... no doubt at the airport - but hey, I'm willing to do these mad things!

I found this perfect little plot of land...... and think it would be a perfect setting for a bed and breakfast place.
I haven't rung to find out how much they are wanting for it.... knowing full well I can't afford to buy, but it's certainly something that's been placed on my heart. How does one go forward in living out their dreams???

Peace to you all.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

thoughts flying.....

I realised that I hadn't stuck up a photo of Mike with Kate which is pretty slack. I need to go and find my memory card from the camera and fix that. I have just the pic too stick up here too.

It's kind of funny.... thinking about that wedding. I guess Mike really was the first of my closest guy friends to get married. The beginning of the letting go.
And in turn.... benny not coming to the wedding with me, and having his girl friend over here seems to have changed our relationship as well. I haven't heard from him since he was driving up to the airport, and I have left a few messages for him.

I'm not dwelling, just thinking.

New seasons are something that we have to deal with. I'm choosing to smile and remember all the awesome times, laughs and love that I have for these two people. Whether or not that is returned is ok.

I've had a bit of a mad week. Emotionally.

Maybe I'm just figuring out more about who I am, and who I want to be.
(Of course I know this is always going on - but I'm certainly more away of things right now)

In typical enthusiastic CJ form I got all excited about a master plan that had formed somewhere in my wacky mind. I had rung Shane last week to tell him about super cheap flights up to Hamilton this weekend. He's been saying he needs a break, and I figured a weekend up here wouldn't be a bad break for him. Anyway... he had all sorts going on this week - but we somehow started talking about the U2 concert.

I got all carried away looking for tickets, and flights, and........
He called while I was at work on Friday - and I was busy doing some orders, so said I would call back. When I called he wasn't around so I left a super long, excited, garbled message about tickets and flights and ..... yes, it was typical of me, but way beyond what most people are like.

Now..... I spoke to him briefly after that when he called while I was getting my haircut, and since then it's been a game of phone tag.

I felt like I had to ring him and apologise for my enthusiasm, and for the way that I got carried away with planning and everything else.... but at the same time, I don't want to. I don't see why I need to apologise for who I am!

So, I'm not going to.

I really feel as though I'm being led to who I'm meant to be. It's not a particularly nice walk. In fact, kind of lonely right now... as I stumble and compromise, and forget - but, I really do believe that in the end, I'll be more of who I'm meant to be.
And that feels good.

Eventually, I'll meet the people who understand, and get excited and want to do wacky things with me. Till then, I'll try to choose carefully and not take it personally when I get that funny look from someone, which clearly says - are you for real?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

next wedding.....

So, Mike and Kate tied the knot.

I can't believe how long ago that was already.

I flew down early Friday morning, and arrived in Christchurch in time for lunch with my old flatmate Jackie and friend, JJ. Was absolutely gorgeous. Really girly chat, sitting up on the hill, catching up.
Certainly food for the soul.

I think we were there for over 3 hours. Then Jackie and I went to check out a movie. Laughed ourselves silly.... before I had to go and pick up the rental car.

The adventure continued from there......

Because the wedding was in Alexandra (about 5 hours south of Christchurch), I had arranged to stay with Ben's mother in Geraldine. Was quite lovely, as she's just moved, so I got to see her new abode, and catch up with her on everything that had been happening.

The next day was a slow start before I got all dressed up, and took off on the next leg for the BIG day.

Arrived with time to spare, and got to have a quick catch up with Mike.





I don't like my chances of ever getting another photo of him dressed up..... so had to grab a few.

It was a gorgeous day, and the ceremony, lovely.

I actually got to meet Mikes old flatmates, who I'd obviously heard alot about - though funnily, they knew very little about me! Anyway... it was quite lovely to meet them.

Hillary and James. I actually need to write to Hillary. We have big plans on catching up at some stage. Hopefully we can do that.

As it turned out, it was fine not having ben there to keep me company - though I haven't heard from him since he called to say he was sorry that he stuffed up. I guess he's too busy with Sarah. His mum was hillarious about it all. She couldn't believe that he would just blow me off like that. Ah, but that's ben for you. Pity. It would have been nice to have caught up on everything, and heard about his big adventures. It just hurt that I wasn't important enough to make that bit of an effort.

Anyway... as is always the way, when you're thrown in those sorts of situations, you make it work, and I guess you're that much more likely to make the effort to meet the people around you.

I stayed the night at Dansey's Pass... which was awesome. It was the most amazing stary night you could imagine. Just blew me away that the stars could be that much brighter!!!

The next day I drove back up to Christchurch, and ended up having a very improptue dinner at a pizza place with some friends. And wow... was it nice to catch up with them!!!!

There were a few tears when I had to jump on the plane and leave Christchurch again, but I know this is where I'm meant to be.

I'll be feeling much better about it all when I've got some friends. When my phone rings. And when I don't have to go and do everything on my lonesome. hehehe.

The joys of growing up, huh.

The quote of the week.

"Pain is God's megaphone" ~ CS Lewis

playing... catch up.......

OK.... so I've actually got some spare minutes, and I don't think anyone is going to come along and say they need to use the computer, so I'm playing around.

You'll have to give me some feed back as to what the thoughts are on the new look.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wedding....



The boys, waiting.



The Arrival!



It was all absolutely Gorgeous! What a setting for such a special day.


Convoy.....

The wedding was actually on the beach you can see in the distance. Was classic driving back across the farm.....

apologies....

Lots of them flooding this page.

To say that I've been negative would be an understatement.
To say that I've been delighting in a pity party would be true.
To say that I've allowed satan to steal my joy would be also.
And to say that I've done very little about it......

just embarrassing.

Would someone please give me the kick up the bum that I so desperately need.

And then, maybe.... whisk me away for coffee so I can use up some of these words I've been harbouring. hehehehe

Thanks for the prayers. They are seriously needed right now.

today... today....

Another one from work.

Just trying to orgnise my trip south. Yes... my first return to the beloved South island for my friends wedding next weekend. Exciting in some respects, not so in others.

I was supposed to be going to the wedding with benny, but his girlfriend is flying out from England - so that idea flew out the window. I don't think he even remembered at all, and hardly seemed to care that he wouldn't be around to catch up when I was down there. I'm going to go stay with his mother instead, and see her new house.
I asked Shane on the off chance that he would jump at the opportunity to come and explore some of the South island with me, and be draged along to a wedding. No go there. In fact - no one wants to come with me. Bummed! I won't know anyone other than Mike at the wedding, and I somehow think he'll be otherwise engaged, or rather, married!

I'd reached the end of my tether the other night. Just felt exhausted and uncared for. I want to go to the wedding, but not excited at the idea of being on my lonesome again. Have had quite enough of that for the next little while. Still... I want to make that effort. I do feel like I'm one of those people who are constantly making an effort for everyone else, but when it comes to me... no one has the time. Doesn't feel very nice.

I am looking forward to the drive, and seeing the scenery again. Not sure that I'll actually get to catch up with many people while I'm down. It's going to be a very fleeting trip. Just sorting out the rental car, and where I'll stay. Was thinking maybe Dansey's Pass again, or somewhere in Ranfurly. Either would be awesome!

I managed to get quite a few fantastic pics of my cousins wedding over the weekend - and have been trying for days to get them onto the computer with no joy. Hopefully I'll find some time tomorrow.

Kia kaha. xx

Friday, October 06, 2006

at work

Sitting here in the office, on what is really such a gorgeous spring day! The sun is beaming down....

Quick update, as I doubt I'll get a chance to find a computer this weekend.

Thew news I had been waiting on. I had an interview with a company that I used to deal with a few jobs ago. I actually had applied for a position in Wellington before I moved. Ended up being second for that job - they gave it to a guy with slightly more experience. Well.... they approached me to see if I would be interested in the same position based back in Christchurch. Crazy huh. I really was wondering what God was upto. Went through the interview process, and again... they decided to go with an older guy who was already down there and had been previously working for the competition, so was already very familiar with all the products.

Spoke to the HR lady today, who I've got to know quite well, and if nothing else, I may have a new friend there. :) She was incredibly positive about me and my experience. She had writen an email to me after the interview to say the guys thought I was fabulous, and they certainly raved about my positive attitude, and personality. Alas, it wasn't enough to get me the job. However - this just means I am meant to stay in the Waikato, and around the family. I did think it rather strange that I may have to move again - but at the same time, I haven't unpacked yet, and still feel very out of place... mostly just the lack of friends though.

So.... time to put down some roots? hehehe. At least time to unpack. I'm so sick of not having my things around, especially the computer. Although it does make me realise that I really don't need as much as I have. Would be different if I did have my own house though.

Not sure about where to live? For now I'm away most weekends... tis the season of weddings AGAIN. :)

Hope all is well over the other side... enjoy Fall for me. Still my most favourite season.

Blessings

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

news....

Just got a txt from brother Tamati to tell me that Tessa has started contractions. Yes, baby Evita Mary is on the way.

Meanwhile... I'm also waiting for my phone to ring regarding the last bit of madness to go down. Hopefully I'll have lots of news to share soon.

For now... the PPP of last week. Mum and I went exploring. There is a stunning walk following a stream to the spring where it all starts. We didn't quite get to the end - since it was going to get dark, but we walked for a good few hours, and the colours were fantastic.



I want to try and kayak it later in summer, and just see how far you can go. It just happens to be the same stream that is the boundry of a peice of land that I think would be the most perfect location for a backpackers! Anyone any good at drawing up business plans? It's about time I got serious about figuring out how I'm meant to do this.

Wanted to say a HUGE thanks for all the gorgeous and encouraging words you've left me. I so appreciate it and all your prayers. I know God is putting me where I need to be, and I need to trust that.
I came up with an anology today as I was driving through the country side.... there were a bunch of trees still clinging onto the winter leaves, all dried up and brown while others are starting to show off this seasons new green. We can be that way in life. We can cling on to things of the past - the dried up and dead parts of our life... which in turn means that we can't start to sprout the new leaves - the new things in our life. God only has the best planned - but can't force us to let go of the dead leaves. Instead we have the free will to decide. Will we hold onto the old, or spring into the new? My old flatmate used to talk about loping off the apple... getting rid of the bad fruit in our life. God likes to prune us, just as we do fruit trees so that we can produce a plentiful harvest of the best. Why would we not want that?

Just me pondering and realising. Spring is here... and I pray for an awesome harvest!

Friday, September 22, 2006

some more....


The sun set was taken the same day as the other two... the day of the mighty walk around the mount.



The other was taken up on the Coromandel. WOWEEEEE, it is so crazily beautiful to drive around that area. So amazing!!!
I want to go and explore lots, but having a few issues these days.

Yes, it's been another tough week. Lots of things being brought up that I'm just not dealing with terribly well.

The whole friends thing - or lack there of.
I don't cope well when I lack people to talk through the big things with. And as much as I enjoy talking on the phone, it's not working.
Part of the problem is the two people that I probably talk to the most, and really nut through things with are both overseas right now. I haven't lived in the same city as either, so don't often get to catch up... when we do, we always have super fun and somewhat crazy times. It's not even like I talk to them that often... benny dissapears for weeks at a time, and often doesn't have reception when he's working, and Shane I probably talk once a week at the most, unless big things are going on in our lives.
They do both keep me sane though....
Yes, I have other friends, and I love them dearly, but it's different.

I know I need to call some of the others though, and seriously ask them to pray with me on some of these things.

Yesterday, I hit a wall.
I had organised to meet an old flatmate who moved up here last year. We were just going to have coffee and catch up. I got a phone call while I was driving as well from this other guy - the one that I got all excited about as being a perspective friend. He was actually heading in the same direction as me, so suggested we meet up along for the way for a coffee. Yes, I got excited!
However... we managed to zoom past eachother, and that was the end of that. I offered to come down and see him in another town on my way home - though he said he would call - he got caught up and that was that.
Oh well... headed off to have coffee with old flatmate, and wouldn't you know it, she didn't turn up.

Yeah.... Satan had a feild day on my head! Nobody wants to be my friend. I must be a horrible person. Not worth knowing. Pathetic. Needy.
The words are still spinning around in there, though I'm sifting through it all, and trying hard to feed it some good food now. It's always easier to believe the bad stuff though.

Rejection and I.... not good.

I do take everything far too personally, especially when I don't know the people that well. I can handle it now when people I've known for a long time blow me off... I know where they are coming from, and the reasons, and I guess you just get a feel for where the other person is at.
Now, i second guess everything.

I actually did get to talk to the guy today. Now I realise that I have been selfish and totally self absorbed about where I'm at, what it is I need.
I'm saddened by the fact that he's not in the space to get to know me. I'm not used to having people reject my friendship.... not when there is that instant connection like that.... the whole sit down and talk, and feel as though you could share anything with them.
It saddened me more to hear that he felt he could talk to me, that he had already shared more with me than most people knew, and yet.... thats pretty much it.

Will he miss out on living simply because the fear of getting hurt is too great.
I hope not.

So...that's the space that I'm in now. It will get better. It is just a season. And God is in control!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

some pics... at last!







At last. I've given up on waiting for my computer.... so thought I had better check out some of the latest pics that I've had sitting in my camera.

This was a couple of weeks ago. I had to head over to Tauranga for work, and had arranged to meet this new friend of mine at the Mount for coffee. He ended up having a horrible day, so I thought a walk around the Mount would be a good thing to blow away the blues. I of course hadn't brought over any shoes for walking... so declared I would do it in bare feet. he laughed... but off we went.

This was about half way.... and about this time my feet were SORE!
It was little gravel bits the whole way round. I jumped from grassy spot to grassy spot, but they were littered with little stones too, so didn't help much.

HOWEVER, the fact that it got my friend laughing at me, and forgetting about the bad day he'd just had made it all worth while. That, and we got to watch the gorgeous sunset, and a HUGE ship head out to sea right in front of us too.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

beginnings..... and endings....

I'm feeling like a strange in my own little world.

It's been ages since I last posted anything, or even sat down to read what's been happening for others. Slack!

Things are still packed up, and in a way it feels like my life is on hold. Perhaps my own doing?
I'm enjoying the farm. The fresh air. The mooing. The crowing at 4am, or 2 if the moon is full. The Meows and barks. And the quiet neighs from the goats. The horses do seem to be the quietest, while also the main population of the farm. I guess they are a contented bunch.

The job is going well. I've learnt so much already, and yet not nearly enough. I've had meetings upon meetings with big wigs from big electrical companies, and have to say, I've been so blessed with the number of wonderful people that I get to go and have coffee with. :)

At the same time though... I'm more lonely than I can remember ever being. I'm sure I felt this way when I first moved to the States, but this time, I don't know? I got a call from a very old friend who used to live here. He's now living in Australia, working as a chaplain in a posh school, and loving it. I was in a meeting when he called, so when I got out I got to listen to his message and quite promptly burst into tears. Yeah.... dramatic, huh! hehehehe I had to get over it pretty quickly, as I had other clients to go and see right then. He called later, and we chatted away which was wonderful.
It's like I've gone back to that fearful, fake me. The one who can be friendly with anyone. Can chitchat and ask a million questions about someone. BUT, I don't let my guard down often. I almost feel like I'm a snob. There are very few people that I meet and instantly click with..... so that I actually really, really want to get to know them.
It sounds quite calous when I write it like that. I'm not. I like to give people my time, and love to get to know them..... but it's often a long process....
There are those odd moments when you meet someone and you instantly want to spend time with them. You feel like they understand who you are and where you are coming from.

It's my greatest, deepest fear...... that I'll be misunderstood for the rest of my life.

I've met one person that gets me most of the time since I got up here... and after being alone for over a month, I think I might have just gone a touch overboard and freaked them out completely.
So... while they may have understood me a little.... the desperation for me to have someone to talk to may have just been too much. hehehe.

Does anyone know about the Marshmallow experiment??? Yeah... would I be able to wait the 20mins??? Right now, doubtful.

Anyway..... the topsy turvy world will continue to spin at an incredible speed. I will continue to ask questions, and to seek wisdom, and try my utmost to leave it all to God. I suspect that this vulnerable state is where I'm meant to be. And I've got to let go of people, and fill the void with Him.

In his hands.
xxx

Friday, August 11, 2006

contiues....

So - the job.

I'm now a rep for an electrical cable company.

Can you get any further away from kitchenware?
I think not.

I've had just over a week working there, and while the first week left me feeling more life a fish out of water than anything else. This week, I did a few trips, and got to see some of the new scenery - which was great! and I guess just began to get my head around what i was supposed to be doing.

We deal with three types of cable - House, Marine and Auto.... so, i get to go around to all the Marine places, all the contractors and electricans. Makes for alot of variety - but also for alot of learning!
I'm beginning to understand the marine and auto side of things - but when I've had to talk to the contractors... yeah, no idea. And I'm trying so hard not to have that blank look on my face. Sometimes I probably pull it off too well, and that just makes it all a whole lot worse.

Anyway... I'm surviving, and enjoying the new challenges, and so looking forward to God showing me where this is going to go. Right now, the picture is just a little sketchy.

happy weekend to all.
And Mr Ed - hope you are having a fantastic holiday! Where are you????

Sunday, August 06, 2006

New Beginnings.....



(picture of mother and daughter. My two girls; left Tui's Love Song and JMF Beam Song on her 21st. (paddock name is Tui and she's our foundation mare from canada)

I still haven't unpacked my computer.....

I'm still living off of the floor... at least, for the most part - which sounds worse than i think it is, although... bring on the day when I can unpack my clothes and get them out of drawers and not pick through things on the floor. hehehe.

I have found a job.....

I have met some people.....

I have stopped sneezing......

It is still raining......

I am loving my family.....

And, God is, as always so good!
(Our pastor would always say... God is good all the time and all the time God is good!)

This was officially my first weekend. After starting the job on Wednesday, a nice day to begin a working week, I must say. And I got my haircut, and went to a party on Saturday night.
Yes... life is really beginning to swing along now.

I'll have to post about the job in another one, so I don't loose people here. It is pretty funny.

Hope the weekend has been joyous!

Arohanui. xx

Saturday, July 22, 2006

finding my feet.....



This was the stunning view that I wake to most mornings here. Totally gorgeous winter mist.

It has been raining several cats and dogs too though. Driving around on the farm bike in the rain through the mud has prooven to be a great way to spend ones time, and ensure that you have no clothes to wear for days afterwards. (Can't get any of the washing dry - and over here, it's all about hanging out the clothes on the line to dry. )

I got home from a job interview, and mum had gone to Auckland to check on a horse, so I was left to feed out. Got up to the cows, and wohooo - there was our first calf! It had just been born, and was so cold and wet. (Raining again this day!) And I had to get it out of the paddock with the other cows. So... zoomed back through the MUD to get the trailer and dad, who had just got home to do our little rescue mission. Managed to get it out with only one other cow who jumped the fence, and up to the stable paddock. Excitement plus! hehehe.

Calf is now doing super well, and we've picked up another one to keep the mother busy. Hopefully it won't be long before she accepts it as her own, and the rest of the cows are calving too.

The job interview - first since I moved up here, went really well. It was for a company that I worked with previously, so I know the ins and outs pretty well, and it would just be absolutely perfect for me right now!
I have a second interview on Monday - and just really praying that this is the ONE! :) I know God has it all under control though.... if it's not the right job, can't wait to see what is the right one. hehehe.
(I'm trusting, along with my family that this is the right one though!!)

There has been a little chaos in the family, but the fact that I moved up when I did has just shown me that God's timing is so perfect. :) You know that whole... take a step, and I'll begin to reveal the plan that I have for you - but you have to take that first step. I guess I forget how God needs us to show our faithfulness before he can start to move. I read somewhere that he knows, if he were to show us, or tell us the plans he has for us, we'd run a million miles away, because, as a full picture it looks way too scary, but when he shows us bit by bit, as we're ready, and as we're walking it out - we can then handle it all!
Makes alot of sense.

Just cooked up a huge feast, which of course means I have a big mess to clean up. So I'd better get to that.

Hope everyone is doing super well!

Prayers and peace.

xx

Sunday, July 09, 2006

seasons....

All of my stuff arrived today. I hadn't even been over to the other house to see how I was going to fit it into the garage.

I was woken by mum this morning asking me to come and help with a horse which was going to be used as an example of a Morgan at a Judging clinic with a Judge from Kentucky. I was awfully blurry eyed.

My brother's 21st was last night, and he'd gone out to pick up a Keroeke machine for the night. It was hillarious!
Of course, mum was all worried that we would be kept awake into the wee hours by the kids. Hmmmmm.... interesting thought. As it happened, mum and dad were the last two to put down the mics at 2:30!

After putting all my stuff in the garage, I came home and picked up JJ and we headed into town to check out my old favourite. yes, Metropolis is back in my life. It was probably one of the first cafes to win me over back when I was 15. It's changed a wee bit over the years, but still amazingly good food! And resonably priced to boot.
It lacks the view that my CUP has.... so I don't think this will become my new Sat morning hang out.... but it was still good to head into the big smoke. Feels funny to know this is my new home. I don't think it's really sunk in yet - since it's been so busy since we got here. Next week will be slightly more interesting. Especially since I have to get serious about the job hunt.

The last potential job crashed last night. While the manager was impressed with my CV, they are wanting someone based in Tauranga - and I'm just not prepared to pick up and move, even if it is only an hour away. God's put me here, so here I am! I know something else will come up, and they've already said that there are always jobs opening up, so maybe that one will still work out?

Right... off to go see horses, and try to figure out who is who?!

Seems strange not being able to post a pic - but my computer is happily stored now.... so for now, it will be words only.

Be blessed!
(Thanks so much for all the encouragement and prayers too!!! Most appreciated)

Friday, July 07, 2006

the path home....

Arrived up at the farm tonight!

This week has been absolute madness... think I've had about 10 hours sleep for the whole week, working, packing, cleaning, driving, saying goodbyes.....

Tuesday night was a huge blessing. To hang out with close friends, and laugh till we were crying, and eating yummy dessert - how could it be wrong. Jacx wrote me a poem, which of course brought more tears, but was so beautiful.

The drive began, pretty much on schedule, got down the road and realised I'd left my duvet behind (Having packed my sleeping bag).

But from there, it was a sweet drive. There had been mutterings of snow on the way up, but all good. Arrived at the ferry - which had been closed all of the previous day due to 7 metre swells, and was abit worried that today would be more of the same, or that there would be a backlog of people trying to get across today. All good though. We were late, and the rocking was significant - but I loved it! The waves crashed up on the windows alot, but didn't feel sick at all.

Arrived to torrential rain in Wellington, and huge winds, which is pretty typical. Was supposed to meet a couple of friends for drink after work, but the ferry was over an hour late - so that didn't happen. Instead it was off to dinner with another friend. We decided to get brave and walk...... minus an umbrella - because they are just a waste of time in that city! Would someone like to come up with a blow proof umbrella?

Italian was the order of the day, and WOWEEEEE, what an amazing meal! Company was of course quite brilliant too! Crawled into bed, only to get a call from Shane to ask if we had a spare bed.... there had been another slip on the highway home for him, and he was stuck. he of course couldn't turn around... and in the end, only sat there for 45 mins while they cleared the road. Poor guy... today sounded quite tough too.

Today...we woke to beautiful sunshine. Absolutely opposit to yesterday. Quite blissful. Walked around to meet the friend that I was supposed to meet the night before, and had a scruptious coffee... really good catchup. Couldn't have asked for a better time in Wellington. (there was massive flooding further North... with alot of slips, and rivers overflowing, several people being moved out of their homes... it's terrible.)

From there it was pretty much straight home. We stoped for more coffee - not so great, and gas.... and made it up here in about 7 hours.

The animal smells met me, Mandy rolled in something especially for my welcome - and it just feels like home.

Jiljane and I talked on the way about God's purpose for our lives, and how this next season is pretty huge, but also about the peace, and the excited, scared feelings - but also the not too worried one. I know this is the next step. Step to what - that I don't know?!

BUT.... I'll figure that one out as I go. A ship cannot be turned while sitting still....

More to come... but for now, bed.

Peace!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Nelson




driving to nelson.... had to stop and catch some of this.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Here we go again.....



Just finished cleaning up the mess of the baking fiasco that took place late this afternoon. Yes, made rush to see how the cake recipe would work out in a different tin. hehehe. the silly things I do.

So, I take off early tomorrow for the first day of chaos. :) Yes, this is what I live for..... the mad rush... and the thrill of meeting people, and doing something different. OK, so tomorrow night may not be as much of a thrill as the following day's baking demonstration. hehehe. BUT... it's still something to push me into the unknown. Having to present in front of a ton of different people will be good for me. More difficult because it will be people that don't have the background knowledge, which I'm accustomed to.

Fun fun!

Will also distract me nicely from the reality that I have going on here.....

OH. Benny came round last night too. He called first to see what I was doing, and whatever the conversation - had both of us laughing away, and being our stupid selves. I got off the phone and Jackie was sitting there looking at me. She just said -how is it you and ben should never got together. I burst into tears. Not because of what she said - but because I'm just going to miss him so much! His zanniness, and acceptance, and just chilled out life.

Of course when I told him that after we went to see a movie, he wanted to know if I was serious - did I really cry... and it happened again. Yes, i know. Emotional chook. Good times... really :) Went and got our fill of Mexican after that, and all was well. (Though, must say that NZ'ers really don't get it here. I can't wait to eat real mexican again!!!)

Alrighty. Better get some sleep before the massive day of driving ahead.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we don't see."
~ Hebrews 11:1

Sunday, June 18, 2006

later gators.....

today ended up being quite the social day.....

I caught up with a friend that I haven't seen in ages, and we went to see "The Break Up", which was actually better than we both expected. Still not something I would rave about - though certainly real in the total miscommunication between a couple. Madness! Made me realise just how totally stupid we can be about not telling someone how we are actually feeling.

Then, went to a farewell dinner for some friends who are taking off for England this week. Kind of sad. Jimbo and I used to sing together - and we always had such a great time. Just a fun guy to have around. I've gotten to know his wife better too in the last couple of years, and I guess... hind sight at work. I should have made more of an effort to spend more time with them! All those good intentions just don't amount to much, huh.

Anyway... will be another good week away. Catching up with people up North, and just relishing in the scenery. All good! :)

So... to bed I go. There may be more snow tomorrow.... which would be quite cool!

Have a great week.

xx

Friday, June 16, 2006

more....






Pity about the power line - but finding some place to stop on Tuesday was pretty impossible... just had to make do!

trip home today



This one was taken from a road that only just got cleared before I got there. It had been shut since Sunday night.... the view from the top of the hill was gorgeous... so, glad I found somewhere to stop. :)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

snow.... lots of snow!!!

I'm down in Queenstown, staying with benny, so trying to type this on his laptop, which is cool, and yet, so strange. The keys are all in slightly different places! hehehe. But, it means that I get to sit in front of the fire, and be all cosy and warm while I think about the week that's been.

Monday saw LOTS OF SNOW. It was gorgeous. Of course, when it snows here, everything grinds to a holt, cause we don't know what to do. It's hillarious! We don't typically get any snow, though have to say that over the last 3 years we've had one dump. This is very early though, and pretty severe. So, it was snow day. I was supposed to head south, but all the roads were closed, so had to stay home and bake. Wasn't going to complain about that one. The next day, the main road south was still closed in certain areas, but I figured I would risk it. Since the sun was out now, I hoped that I would get down to a point, and things would have cleared by late afternoon.

Driving down was like a winter wonderland. The only gutting part, was that they've only managed to clear basically one lane either side, and there wasn't anywhere for me to pull over and take pictures. For New Zealand, it was amazing to see so much snow so low. Of course, because it was so extreme, there are still an awful lot of places that don't have their electricity turned back on, 5 days later...... and we've got more snow on the way. In fact, I don't know how I'm going to get home tomorrow?

Excitement!!!!!

Anyway... hopefully there will be pics to post upon the return. Next week is up north. This weekend... Packing furiously! :)

Hope all is well over yonder.

Blessings!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

sky writing for me....



Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Romans 8: 26 - 29 The Message

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

this morning....

I called my boss and I resigned.

Yes.... this is it.

So... let the job applications start to fly out the door now, and let the interviews begin.

It is a new season!

Monday, June 05, 2006

asking......


"But when you ask for something, you must have the faith and not doubt. Anyone who doubts is like an ocean wave tossed around in a storm. If you are that kind of person, you can't make up your mind, and you surely can't be trusted. So don't expect the Lord to give you anything at all."


Today is for fasting and praying. That I won't be a wave.

And, to sing at the top of my lungs Praises to our awesome God.



If you get the chance, the cd of the week.... without doubt:
www.brentonbrown.com

Absolutely awesome praise and worship. I met him when I was over in England, when he was with Vineyard. He's now over in the States. My favourite: well with my soul. (11)

Sometimes it's hard, sometimes I cry
Sometimes my heart wants to know why?
But your yoke is easy and your burden is light
And though my heart is aching and there're tears in my eyes
Whatever my lot, You have taught me to know
It is well, it is well with my soul......

Friday, June 02, 2006

up the hill.....







And here you have it.
If you drive to the top of the Crown Range Road.... one that my boss was not too thrilled about going up, but by far the fastest and most spectacular way to get to Wanaka - you get the most stunning view at the top of the switch-backs. I love it!

contrasts.....


This one, down south a couple of weeks ago with the boss. Actually taken standing on the main street of Arrowtown. You know, my most favourite spot down south. :)

There was alot of snow that week!


To this one, taken this week up North. Talk about such contrasts in this little island!

sliping away....



Lake, just south of Dunedin. I normally only go past this place in the morning, so it was such a gorgeous surprise to stop here at dusk. :)

Just breathe.....

Finally got the pics uploaded. YIPEEEEE... there were some beauties hiding on the camera, so I'm glad I've finally got them to stick up. :)

Week end, more applications out there, and the more I think about it - while I'm applying for Wellington, I really believe that if God wants me there, he will provide a job for me before I move up to Hamilton - but right now, I'm going to be walking in faith, that it's where I'm meant to be going.

I'll keep applying for jobs in both places, and trust that doors will open, doors will close - but I this job has to come to a close. I'm becoming resentful at what is going on, and while I've tried to remain positive, and I've written a letter to express how much potential I feel the company has, they are not keen to act on any of it until much later in the year. I can't keep going now.

So... I think a time of fast and prayer over the weekend, and then Tuesday, I'll hand in the resignation letter, unless God has shown me otherwise.

It's exciting though.

Sadder news.
My dear old mare; Tui who just had her 21st slipped her foal the other day. She would have been 5 months along. The placenta was infected, probably for a while - which was just heartbreaking. I had been thinking that I'd be able to do the show season with the foal - which would have been so much fun. I'm not sure that we'll try for another foal. I guess wait and see how Tui is doing come Spring? She's so old already. hehehe. But hey, if she's not meant to get in foal?
Today, our dear old goat Bindy died too. She was such a character! Thinking about it though, she must have been 12 years old? I mean, that's one old goat! She was Tamati's pet goat for calf club back when he was at primary schoo.... and he's 25 years old this year.
Still, very sad. The goats all live right next to the house, and she was always the boss of the bunch. Crazy horns, but such a character! Would always come running when you called her.

So... much is happening up there. I feel far away, and not enjoying it much.

Still... working on the timing thing. His, not mine.

Oh... and, some dear sweetie brought back some rootbeer for me. How absolutely awesome is that!! hehehe. I'm going to be sitting back and drinking that later tonight! :) You have no idea how I shall relish every drop. FUNNY, the things you miss. I even found Reeces peanut butter cups the other day. Didn't buy any, but at least I know where I can find them. hehehe.

"Your talent is Gods gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back."
~ Leo Buscaglia

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

mid week....

Wednesday afterrnoon... and I'm sitting on Jill and John's computer... not literally, of course!
The late afternoon sun beams are scattering around the room, and the view from here of the esteraury down bellow with a backdrop of the mountains makes me catch my breath.


and there is a peace.


I picked up the Purpose driven life before I left on this trip... skipped to Purpose 3, which seems to be the one that catches me every time. To be Christ like.

Today.... day 26, and I was just reading about the gifts of the Spirit - how was are always faced with the complete opposit to see what we will choose. To be faced with uncertainty, to be anxious, to worry..... I'm not meant to!

So, i'm practicing.... but I want to be active at the same time.

I'm just writing a covering letter for a job up in Wellington. Again - it's Wellington, but it's also perfect. At least, from what I know right now. So.... I'm actively seeking God, and praying his will, not mine. Again, that the door would swing wide, or slam shut now.

I got the call from the boss, who had very little to say. The owner of the company has written to say that he 100% commited to the changes that were meant to take place at the start of the year, but that he's delaying everything until September. I've voiced my opinion. I understand where he's coming from for the rest of New Zealand - but I can't do any more. I can't imagine what I would have to do until September.... twiddle my thumbs? I really do believe that there is a huge amount of potential for this company - but I've given all that I can with all that I have.
It's been an interesting experience, I've learnt a huge amount, but time for a different challenge. :)

So.... prayers would be appreciated. I had wanted to resign tomorrow - but think it would be foolish to do that without a job, especially when it would seem that i may end up in Wellington yet. I wish I could say that I felt God wanted me to move up to hamilton regardless of the job situation - but i don't know?
Is that faith in action, or foolishness?

So... trusting for peace, or open doors, wisdom through it all.

There you go... not much going on, huh. hehehe.

I'm just charging the camera battery - and then I'll be out there snapping away the sights. Hopefully I'll have something to share when I get home.

Peace and Joy!

xx

Sunday, May 28, 2006

toodles.....



On the road again. Just can't wait to get on the road again......

The trip north waits, as does the packing and organising. All those last minute happenings. Very last minute. hehehe.

I'm looking forward to catching up with Jill and John, and just having some quiet time to myself. It will be nice to be on the road... singing away again. I guess the last two trips I've had company, which is, of course lovely... but I miss that time to just do whatever I want. hehehe. Sounds kind of bad... but I promise I'm being good... I just want to sing at the top of my lungs, and enjoy everything. Soak up the sights. Take pictures as I go. And I guess, say goodbye in a way.

I may get one more trip up there before I leave. Will have to talk to Graham about all of that when he calls on Tuesday.

This week is going to be all about submitting. Letting go, and letting God. I'm not sure where He actually wants to take me right now. I'm scared as anything about this next month. I don't remember the last time I felt so totally unsure, unsettled, unknown. There is really nothing physically stable right now. And I know this is where I'm being challenged the most. To just relax, and rely on God.

So much easier said than done....

But God said to me
"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12.9

Friday, May 26, 2006

bizarre and crazy life.....



another week has zoomed. that brings me closer to the whole.... time to be packed and moved and have that new job all sorted, and right now, I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.

I've had 4 rejection letters this week. Count them.... 4!

That's ok. None of them were the perfect job, or where God wanted me to be.... right?!

I've had all sorts of chaos with work, which is more than welcome in some respects. I like chaos. It keeps me on my toes, but it's just all come at the wrong moment. hehehe.

I sat down when I received a package today of samples to replace what had been taken from the car - and ended up pulling out something that I hadn't asked for, which was supposed to be something specifically for a customer next week, and all I could do was sit and cry. I had tried to be organised, I had tried to do everything the "right" way, and that didn't even work.

Anyway... I'm heading out to dinner with some friends, which will be lots of fun. And then, over the weekend - more catching up to do, and I'm so looking forward to doing some baking too. :)

Might even get some time to sit and play around on here. I still haven't got those pics uploaded.

Bare with me.... please.


"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package."
~ John Ruskin.

I'm afraid right now, I feel like that man, so it's really a reminder to myself.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

pj post...


picture I took at the Markets ages ago....

Had the longest day ever yesterday... and while it was long, I still haven't managed to make it to bed at a slightly earlier hour to make up for it. Silliness! (there were the two Canadian hitch hikers. From Alberta no less!!! I dragged them up a hill in the freezing cold weather to check out the lights of Dunedin. We ate our dinner up there.... it was brilliant! They however must think I'm completely mad. I might meet them somewhere along the way yet?!)

The trip around with the boss was super productive. Pity no one had bothered to come ages ago. He's left knowing exactly what I do, the area that I cover, and the absolute madness of it all. He's going to try and get the job changed slightly so that it makes more sense for the person down here, and to get the pay increased.
I should have bugged them to come down months ago.
Now... he knows he has 2 weeks to come up with something pretty impressive to convince me to stay down here. I don't like the chances.

The other job... haven't heard anything more about it, which is a pity. Still, means Wellington is too far away from the family, and in some ways, I'm relieved.
There are a few other jobs down there that I'll apply for tomorrow, but a few up in Hamilton, which is a better plan. :)

There was snow on the mountains... and everything just looked so picture perfect. I haven't had a chance to check out the few pics that I did take, but hopefully I caught some of the perfectness. I'll post some soon.

For now... into the sweet night.....

Listening to Joy Williams.... and the song of the moment: "Say Goodbye"

Say goodbye, say goodbye to the you I knew before, say hello, say hello to a new beginning

You're different now, you're different somehow.......

Sunday, May 14, 2006

once.....



I'm been so super busy this week. I've got my boss coming on this next trip down south, which is going to be interesting. Prayers appreciated. I haven't ever had anyone come along with me on a trip - so I'm a little scared that I've maybe gotten too comfortable and he'll tell me I'm doing it all wrong?!

Applied for a job the other day, and had a phone interview yesterday, which was pretty exciting. They Lady was lovely, but they already have someone lined up for the position - so I'm really only a candidate if things go terribly wrong on Monday. hehehe. She'll email me to let me know. Prayers there too. :) hehehehe

Other than that... life has been filled with moving stuff, and trying to be organised. Looking around my room, it's not looking like I'm getting anywhere. 7 weeks to go! No idea how I'm going to get everything up to the farm, if in fact that's where I'm going.
The job I applied for is actually in Wellington. Had me scratching my head, really. I was convinced that God wanted me to be up on the farm, but this job is what I've wanted, and to get an interview the day after I've applied for it... put a spin on my world. I just figured I had to apply, and it would be good practice, plus meant I had to get my cv all organised.

So... praying for a slamed door, or one that is flung open on this job. It would mean that I would be covering all of the lower North island, which takes me to 2 hours south of the farm, so I could cruise home in the weekends. At least I would be in the same island. Wellington is only 6 hours south of Cambridge.

My car was broken into yesterday.... with all my samples stolen from out of the back. And how knows what of mine is missing? my change purse has gone, and they took some cd's, my sunglasses.... I pretty much live in my car, so I'm just so thankful that it didn't happen while I was away traveling, and that my car went in for a service on Monday, so I pretty much cleaned out all of my excess stuff before that. What a blessing my camera wasn't in it!!!

Unfortunately, I don't have home and contents insurance, so I'm really just praying that the company's insurance will cover all the samples that were in the back of the car. It's my own fault that my things won't be replaced.
I was just in shock yesterday... I can't for the life of me figure out how they even got into the car, and when it happened? So, reported it all to the police, and called and left a message for my boss, will have to face the other boss with it all tomorrow. Not looking forward to that one.
Just gutted!

It was a day of highs and lows yesterday.

On that cherry note.... I need to go and warm up. My room is feeling more like a freezer. hehehehe. Winter has arrived! And NZ houses just aren't built for it.

Hope everyone is doing well over the other side.

Much love, and warm fuzzies!

xx

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread."
~ Mother Teresa

Saturday, May 06, 2006

in the land of.....



I'm home.....

at least, in body. I'm also away with the fairies right now.

It's been a rough kinda week away. In fact, I'm so emotionally exhausted, and ready to curl up and let the world just come crashing down around me. uhg.

The trip over the last week has been south and north... and talk about alot of driving. Today has been deemed a NO DRIVE day. Of course, today is also Saturday, and I'm about to head up the hill for my coffee, and chill out.

A hill or mountain is certainly somewhere I want to be when I'm feeling strung out. So I can watch the world go by.

Anyway. There are stories to tell, and things to catch up on - but for now, I'll leave it with a HUGE hello to everyone.

And.... one paper down! The 4 day course was pretty funny, though that in itself was draining. So hard to get back into the study frame of mind. hehe.

Blessings everyone

More people ask the Lord to lighten their burdens than ask him to stregthen their backs.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I wish you love....

Just heard this song for the first time... Think it was Natalie Coles version, but unsure. The lyrics though.... just captured something.

Will try and find a version to stick up here for you to hear.


Goodbye, no use leading with our chins

This is where our story ends

Never lovers, ever friends

Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day

But before you walk away

I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in july a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

I wish you love

I wish you love, love, love, love, love

I wish you love


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Dansey's Pass

You start off in the hills.... dirt road, a few trees around. And you end up winding your way into this.



and from out of nowhere, this is what you stumble across....



I honestly thought that I'd turned off the road somewhere and was about to drive right upto someones house. It's bizarre, and yet.... somewhere I want to get lost again soon.



Those chairs and that fireplace have my name on them... to curl up with a good book, perhaps while it's snowing outside. WOHOOO!





It's really like steping back in time, and those places are certainly worth stumbling across on a late sunny afternoon.

And then... this is the view that greets you on the other side.




Not bad for a drive home, huh. :)

Now... when are you guys all coming over?

xx

just....

boulders...



A little bit outside of Oamaru you come across a beach which is named after these boulders; Moeraki. You can't actually see them from the road, and this was the first time I'd had the time to stop and go check it all out.

Once you get down next to them you see how remarkable they really are. I've just seen them on postcards, and gone... yeah. Up close and personal - it's another one of those. WOW things.

this day....

Last night, while I was trying to sleep....
a party of tractors came and found me. I don't know why? But they drove over me, again and again... and left me feeling squashed and sore this morning, along with a flip flop kinda stomach.

I just emailed the boss to tell him, and I'm about to go crawl back into bed.

I realise I've been slack in the department of writing these days. And don't think for one moment that it means that I don't think about everyone who so sweetly leaves me notes. I do. Life would be so boring without the sweet people who impart wisdom, and share their thoughts. So, because I know that I don't say it often enough.

I appreciate you guys... and just pray abundant blessings for you!

Now... going to moan and groan my way through the day.

xx

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man o fvalue."
~ Albert Einstein

Monday, April 10, 2006

out the door....

Yes.. it's a short trip south today. Only gone for 3 days, but some amazing miles to make up in that time. :)

The sun is out, the leaves are golden, and I'm singing at the top of my lungs....


see you all on the other side.

xx

"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it"
~ Don Herald

Saturday, April 08, 2006

along the queen charlotte drive....



Every time I drive along this road, I find something else that catches my eye. There is a walk that you can do over a few days called the Queen Charlotte, which sounds just gorgeous! Now that I'm not able to go home over Easter - maybe I should pack up everything and head that way? I think Benny might have left his tent in the car, so I could grab that and run?! I'd much rather be doing something like that with friends - but I'm really beginning to realise that if I want to do something, I just need to do it when I can. Grab the opportunities and RUN! :)

Friday, April 07, 2006



(taken standing in the middle of a long one lane bridge)

I was driving through Arthurs pass. It was an incredible night... went from clear skies - a gorgeous sunset, to driving into swirling dark cloud when I was almost all the way through. It was kind of creepy, and airy. Then, when I was outside of Springfield, I just drove out of it, and had the most amazing stary night all around me again.

I had to stop the car, and jump out.
And as I stood on the side of the road, out in the middle of the country, I looked up and got to see a shooting star blaze through the sky.

If I'd had my sleeping bag in the car I could have very easily just got it out, and gone to sleep out there - with the amazing sky as my blanket. Just getting lost in the vastness of it all.