I'm feeling like a strange in my own little world.
It's been ages since I last posted anything, or even sat down to read what's been happening for others. Slack!
Things are still packed up, and in a way it feels like my life is on hold. Perhaps my own doing?
I'm enjoying the farm. The fresh air. The mooing. The crowing at 4am, or 2 if the moon is full. The Meows and barks. And the quiet neighs from the goats. The horses do seem to be the quietest, while also the main population of the farm. I guess they are a contented bunch.
The job is going well. I've learnt so much already, and yet not nearly enough. I've had meetings upon meetings with big wigs from big electrical companies, and have to say, I've been so blessed with the number of wonderful people that I get to go and have coffee with. :)
At the same time though... I'm more lonely than I can remember ever being. I'm sure I felt this way when I first moved to the States, but this time, I don't know? I got a call from a very old friend who used to live here. He's now living in Australia, working as a chaplain in a posh school, and loving it. I was in a meeting when he called, so when I got out I got to listen to his message and quite promptly burst into tears. Yeah.... dramatic, huh! hehehehe I had to get over it pretty quickly, as I had other clients to go and see right then. He called later, and we chatted away which was wonderful.
It's like I've gone back to that fearful, fake me. The one who can be friendly with anyone. Can chitchat and ask a million questions about someone. BUT, I don't let my guard down often. I almost feel like I'm a snob. There are very few people that I meet and instantly click with..... so that I actually really, really want to get to know them.
It sounds quite calous when I write it like that. I'm not. I like to give people my time, and love to get to know them..... but it's often a long process....
There are those odd moments when you meet someone and you instantly want to spend time with them. You feel like they understand who you are and where you are coming from.
It's my greatest, deepest fear...... that I'll be misunderstood for the rest of my life.
I've met one person that gets me most of the time since I got up here... and after being alone for over a month, I think I might have just gone a touch overboard and freaked them out completely.
So... while they may have understood me a little.... the desperation for me to have someone to talk to may have just been too much. hehehe.
Does anyone know about the Marshmallow experiment??? Yeah... would I be able to wait the 20mins??? Right now, doubtful.
Anyway..... the topsy turvy world will continue to spin at an incredible speed. I will continue to ask questions, and to seek wisdom, and try my utmost to leave it all to God. I suspect that this vulnerable state is where I'm meant to be. And I've got to let go of people, and fill the void with Him.
In his hands.