Monday, October 18, 2004

tonight... tonight....

So... had ministry team meeting tonight......
It seems like it's been ages since I was last at one. Colleen gets up and just says... wow, it is so good to be here, and to see you all..... you're all gorgeous!
I cracked up.
Perhaps it had more to do with the space that I'm in... the whole... hating myself, and trying to deal with it, so will laugh at any comment that comes flying my way.....

It was a good night though... encouraging, and great to hear what the spiritual family are doing around the world.

This weekend Colleen was speaking, as Pastor B was away in Auckland speaking at the church up there, (WOHOOO) and she was challenging us to have a vision, and plan for our life... Something that I have been struggling with.... focusing on getting through each week, figuring out where I'm at with work, where I'm at with the praise and worship team, what is it God is wanting me to get involved in?
I think I forgot the most important thing.... a car that is sitting still can't be steered! Or a boat with the sails down will go nowhere!
I've been so busy trying to figure it out - that I've forgotten to keep stepping forward.... to believe in my ability to make choices, and the fact that God won't just abandon me, and leave me to fall on my face if it's the wrong direction for me?!
So little faith.

So... I've been sitting at the same level.... ever comfortable, but so unsatisfied with what I've been doing, and where I've been going, which is a Big NOWHERE. hehe.

Time to get moving... to start believing in myself, and what it is I want to do with this life of mine.

Long weekend ahead, and a great opportunity to sit down and actually write down the things I want to get done. Time has zoomed by this year, and I don't think I've actually done much of what I would have liked to. It's been productive as far as work goes....I've learnt a huge amount... and as far as music goes - Praise and Worship, I've learnt abit.... but have not stretched myself hugely in any other areas.

things to think about.

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