chapter ends

Nana died this morning.....
Dad said it was all very peaceful....

and while I managed to make it through the day pretty well.... I want to avoid going to bed now.

Feeling so horribly alone. I don't think anything would change, regardless of whether or not there were people around now.... I don't know what I want? One of those moments where a shoulder to cry on would be nice, but not the awkward words that always seem to come. I'm glad that she died so quickly, and she wasn't in any pain. And I know that she had a great life... so in a way it's all great, but it still hurts to know that the last grandparent has gone. That I didn't get to spend any real time with her after she got sick. Everything happened so quickly in the end. The fact that I got up here at all was pretty amazing. Timing was perfect.
Last time anyone said anything to me about nana she was doing fine, and I didn't need to worry about getting up here. Things changed so quickly.

So, the funeral will be on Tuesday.... and I need to get my flight sorted out to get home, and Mum will need to figure out how she is going to get up here from nelson in time. I have no idea what time her flight was on tuesday, but suspect that it will be too late.

I'm just tired..... and lonely. Something I don't like feeling.....

the sun will come out......