Need the theme from jaws here I think..... Da dum da dum dadumdadumdadumdadum.....
I know I shouldn't use the excuse of PMS as a justifiable one, but I don't know what else could possibly put me into such a spin. (well, maybe I could... but I think that's all totally beside the issue at hand!) Maybe this is where Gods grace is really put to work?! ;)
I've been putting off, and putting off going to the doctors and being poked and proded for the sake of my sanity, and perhaps those around me - simply because while I do want to have the answers, I don't at the same time. The last round of tests didn't really bring up anything conclussive, and while things are getting worse, maybe it is all in my head?
It's been an especially draining week with the boss, and I guess emotions have been high with the wedding stuff, and the aniversary of both of my grandmothers death and of course PMS!! I find it hard to believe that granny died 10 years ago now. Time has flown. I've been back in NZ almost 6 years now, which is hard to believe. Kentucky feels like it was just the other day in many ways. Of course I'm remembering less, and struggling to keep in touch with friends from those days. I've been trying to find one friend who kind of dissapeared after a somewhat stressful visit that he made out to San Fran to stay before I came back here. I regret not getting to spend more relaxed time with just him.... and more than that, I hate the fact that I can't seem to find him again now. Last heard - he's a traveling doctor in New Mexico. Not terribly helpful. hehe. I know, when I'm supposed to find him, he'll write to me, and I'll get to catch up on the last few years. I'm pretty sure we'd be able to slide back into the friendship we had. Who knows.
So... the PMS has helped to keep me off balance - being upset about not being able to find Sean, taking things very seriously with other people, and just being as tactless as is imagineable. It's like the rational part of my brain gets closed down this time of month, or all the little rational thinkers that help to keep me moving and thinking more clearly have taken off for a long weekend.... and the only thing that I know that works properly are my tear glands. They get tested all too often, and my stomach cramps are as reliable and consistent as the rising sun.
And now... it's 1:30 Sunday morning. What am I doing awake???????
Hope everyone else is having a beautiful weekend and that the sun is shining between your toes!