Sunday, November 06, 2005

silently...

You got to cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice


U2 ~ running to stand still


After yesterday's antics, I've been running on low all day. You know the whole coming down from a high space. I guess it's what my friend Julie would call - me and my "deep funks".

Managed to make it to church on time. Kind of bizarre that when I was talking to Jacx yesterday she actually asked if she would see me there today? Am I really falling that far off the tracks? Yes.. i wonder what people are thinking.
I'm not sure that I'm worried, but I do wonder.

Church was good though. Was more a worship service, and after talking to Can yesterday about not being in the band any more.... I think I've managed to walk away from that knowing that it really was the right thing. I've enjoyed being part of the congregation, and not worrying about remembering the words, but rather focusing on what I am singing... getting totally lost in what I'm feeling. I'm not saying that being part of the team meant that it was all concert like - cause that's not it at all... but you do have more responsibilities, and you are on the front line.... and right now, (whether it's selfish?) I'm just enjoying being part of the crowd. Soaking it all up from my little space next to who ever I can find. :)

So, the deep funk day.

I got to talk to Julie today. I've missed her and our talks alot while I've been away. It had been over a month since we last chatted online. Just goes to show how quickly time is zooming. I can't believe we're already into the second week of November now. Which reminds me I need to get brithday presents posted tomorrow!!

MAN, i get sidetracked so easily.

She;s just plodding along with her papers, hopefully enjoying the change of scenes. She never had much to say about school, or the people's she's meeting. I know she's missing all things familiar, and maybe just trying to get over the fact that it is all new to her. I love the fact that she did move, and didn't try to stay with all things familiar. Maybe that will stay with me, and help to keep me brave when it comes time for me to make up my mind! I want to be brave and just jump.... but I also want to be wise. haha. Oxymoron?

Answers would be nicer.

You know the whole... God, wouldn't you like to take up sky writing... you could even make it so that I'm the only one who can read it, and you could pull my hair while I'm walking along so that I have to look up and notice it! haha.

My head is a jumble of thoughts... and whenever I start to type something it just turns to mush.

Maybe that's it... right now... I just feel like a mess.

I don't know how to fix it?

3 comments:

Jayleigh said...

You are so awesome, CJ. BTW my real initials are JC and it's just funny because I always write that before I correct it and finally write CJ.

Anyway, back to your awesomeness. Skywriting!? That is a superb idea! I'm with you. I'll pray for Him to write you a message so strong and clear, and then MAKE you look at it and understand.

**hugs**

Snaggle Tooth said...

from havin so much fun to feelin so down n guilty for being just one in the crowd... but, that's what's workin for ya.
I want a pilot's lisence...

TaB said...

Our church activates have slid to a trickle, Wednesday only six people showed up :( but its nice too, we can spend more time on individual items, and I can eat more cake hehe.
Every time I think about leaving and going someplace else I think about how far we have come, small steps.

Deep funks can really suck the laughs and cries, riding on my bicycle helps me, wind in my face. what do you do?

xoxox