hope and love.....

Another wedding this month.

Yes, it would seem all of the cousins are getting married off, with just 3 of us left now. It would seem that it's my family who is letting down the side. he he. Strangely it's my older cousin, Jeremy and I who are a mere 3 months apart in age and my youngest brother who are left in the lot.

How do I feel about this?

While all of my family are marrying off and beginning families of their own every Christmas I somehow feel more left out of this happy little circle.

I realise that's not the case, but emotionally, it does feel somewhat alienating. Irrational?

Thank goodness I get to be a work in progress as I figure things out and grow up.

Yipeeeeeee

~
The wedding was an absolute blast, and I just feel so honoured to have been allowed to capture the day. In fact, I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed by it all.

Now the task of getting the photos all sorted out lies ahead of me.

Minor detail in the great scheme of things. I took all the photos as RAW images, which means I have 700+ photos that are averaging 5MB each. That's great, from a photographer's point of view..... but what I didn't give much thought to was the fact that my computer is just not capable of dealing with it all.

Quite funny really........

Thankfully the bride and groom have run away for the week, and I can deal with it in a turtle like manner, as well as get two assignments finished.

There are some gorgeous shots amongst them all, and I think I managed to capture the joy of the day. Hopefully they like them too.

So, wedding TICK
Assignments half done
House carpet goes in today
Holiday is a mere 1 and 1/2 weeks away.... wohoooooo!!

God.... good all the time.

the weekend looms...

~
I've got my first gig as "wedding photographer" this weekend. (official wedding photographer that is!)

WOHOOOO!!

Of course nerves are starting to kick in, but I'm excited too.
I've been pouring over photographer's sites online checking out different ideas. I'm not sure that much has stuck...... and I have to keep reminding myself that actually I can do this. The more I try, the harder I make it, the worse the photos.

It's funny - having been to so many weddings, having been in so many wedding parties, I know how it goes, and yet I can't seem to just let go and trust myself.

It's going to be fun!!

So, hopefully I'll have some photos to post of the happy couple on Monday.

perhaps.....

I was listening to an interview with the lead singer of a "Christian" band the other day.

At the same time I'm reading "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell.

The part that I'd just finished reading was about how we like to label everything. What makes a band "Christian"? Should we attempt to label?

Just some questions....

But what I found more interesting was what this guy was saying in his interview. He was talking about being a Christian, and how this influenced his music.

Instead of talking about the music, he talked about how we as Christians were the biggest hypocrites. How we somehow mistook the role of "Christian" to mean that we had to portray ourselves as perfect. When in fact we should be out there showing the world that we're imperfect, but we have God's grace and mercy.

We should be the first to say Wops, made a mistake there..... sorry.

We shouldn't put so much pressure on the people who are in the spotlight. They too are human, infallible? I don't think so.

Anyway... all jumbled thoughts right now. But that struck a chord with me. I don't want to be one of those people who walks around "Hollier than thou", I want to be real with people - which I guess means showing my weaknesses. Showing I am human.

I hope I do that anyway.... but it's certainly something to think about.

backwards to go forwards.....

I need to learn to let go.

I have the funny feeling that I must be one of the worst people at this little exercise.
It doesn't matter how unhealthy I know it to be, I'll still cling for dear life.

And I do mean CLING.

I don't let people in easily, which in turn means I find it incredibly difficult to let someone go who has made it in. Even when I know it's for the best.

It feels like such a year of lessons for me, and most of them are hurting quite a bit right now.

I know that the sooner I deal with them, the sooner I'll be ready to move on to the big exciting stuff.... the stuff I'm just dying to get my teeth stuck into. :)


Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

~ James 1:2-4

winding path

I thought the photo suited the mood today.

I was thinking about destinations..... how we get to where we want to be.

For me I'm always driving. For work, for adventures with friends, for family......
I'm always in my car, and typically I take the most direct route to get to where I need to be. (Not always, as half the fun of these adventures is seeing everything along the way - but it's by choice.... except when I'm super lost!)

If only it were that easy with life.

To jump into some kind of machine that will put us on the path to where we want to go. Instead, I find myself weaving and winding down lots of different paths. Should I go through that door? Would that path be easier? Will the stones hurt my feet if I go that way?
And then half way down one path things get more and more difficult, and the idea of turning around appeals. Or maybe there is a fork in the road? There are always decisions to be made about where you're going and how you're going to get there.

I've had to sit down and write lists of what I want to happen this year. Everything on the list is something that I think will help me to get to where I want to go.
I'm not silly enough to think that I'll get everything done, or that it won't be difficult, but I want to make a start.

With my faith I'm always trusting that when I get on the wrong path that I'll stumble across a dead end or a massive STOP sign. Something will push me to change directions, to re-think my plans. I'm also always reminded that my problems are never too big for God to deal with.

In the photo you can see the road winding its way down the hill, and it looks so small. The cars are miniature in comparison to their surrounding - and yet we all know how big a car can look - especially when they're zooming towards you.
So I'm reminded that all the big deals and hard times are like these cars. They really are small when you look at them from a different perspective.
My mustard seed of faith is enough to make a mountain move when I speak in the authority that I've been given. So problems? What problems? (To have that kind of faith. woah!)

Sooooooooo....... I'm traveling down the road..... the road to finish my teaching degree, and I'm making some moves so that if my door opens this time next year, I can jump on a plane to head somewhere else.
Doors may slam..... but for now, the roads seem straight, and I'm cruising to some sounds...... remembering that nothing is too big for He who loves me and has created me for a purpose greater than my wildest dreams.

Life is really sooooooooooooooooooooo good. If I just remember to look from a different perspective, to remind myself, I know I'll be ok.

slightly overwhelmed

I think I've managed to work myself into a tizz.

Part of it is that I do have a huge amount going on for the rest of the year.....
and part of it is there are things swimming around in my head and heart that I'm not doing such a great job of dealing with.

I know that God will never give me more than I can handle... I just wish he'd also show me how to handle the situations.

Superglue?

So, right now.... as my work day is about to end, there is a gorgeous blue sky day waiting for me and I wish I were able to just float away above it all.

Ride the on the zephyr, breathing in deeply, and letting out a massive sigh with everything else that's tangled up inside.

Life.......

Crazy days!!

The Scooter in Rarotonga..... The absolute best way to get around the Island. Probably the only way to feel a breeze too. he he.

It was my favourite place to be.... exploring the island. Of course getting absolutely soaked riding it to the wedding just made it that much more of an adventure. :)

If I lived in a city... I think I may even be tempted to get one. (Yes, I want to be just like my brother when I grow up. )

the house.... updates

I didn't get finished till it was almost dark tonight, so unfortunately I had to use the flash... makes the white very white. hehehe. Still need to finish the second coats, and do all the gloss trim, which is a creamy colour. Pretty happy with how it's all looking so far though.

march, already!

The weekend is zooming by, and I thought if I don't sit down now, and make time, when will I get around to it again?

Firstly; Mr Ed, I so appreciate your notes, and constant encouragement. You really are so super sweet to stop by and check up on me. To anyone else who stops by... thanks to you too. :)

Right.... some pics that I had to share


Firstly; Tawhai and Popa! hehehehe... yes, one of Tawhai's first words is Popa, and he says it with such convection and excitement. We've come to the conclusion that while he loves Popa, what he really LOVES is the tractor! Whenever they are driving out in the country now, Tawh gets all excited and starts saying Popa, regardless of where they are. Has made for some tearful drives. But, wow is it ever cute when he does arrive here, and jumps out of the car to find Popa!

Next bit of exciting news; Tawhai is trying to say my name! :) Yipeeeeeeeee....... ok, so CJ is coming out like Yeyay, but I'll take whatever I can get. He even chants it around the house, especially after I've been around there. How cute is that?!

Evita is growing super quickly, and I suspect is going to jump straight to walking. She is a mover and a groover, and hates to be still. Quite hillarious to watch, but exhausting to have to try and hold. We had her dedication last weekend at church, and she wore a dress that was made from Tessa's great grandmother's wedding dress. Absolutely gorgeous, and for the first time she just snuggled into my arms through most of the service. It was so precious to have that time with her, and just cherish this beautiful little girl. I've got a couple of photos on my computer that I need to get over here to put up.....
For now, this one will have to do. Tamati being his usual cheeky self.


Tamati's response to my saying that I was looking to move was one of panic, quickly followed by one of madness. He's adament about setting me up with some guy. Yes, he's of the belief that if I should fall madly in love, then I wouldn't make such threats. It was such a funny process to watch. Instantly naming off guys with Tessa.... " what do you think of so and so, and then there's.... "
I had to laugh.
I'm not looking for a guy to make me feel better about living here. I would like some friends to do things with. I'm becoming more of a recluse, and it's scaring me - as it's becoming more comfortable, and I know that I'm starting to make less of an effort.
Sure, I still ask people out, and am ever the friendly one.... but it's becoming less of an issue.

I'll have to spill the story about the American in another blog. hehehe.

Hope the weekends have been warm and filled with much laughter. It is certainly an awesome thing to have people around who fill your heart with warmth and cheerfulness.

Be blessed.
xx

me