beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

~
It is that time of year once more.....

The Christmas tree is up, and there are presents underneath all ready to be torn apart on the day, and I've been baking like a wild thing.

Most of my clients have received their gingerbread men, though I will need to do another baking stint this weekend to get it all finished.

This time of year seems to be more chaotic than typical, and I have to remind myself the reason for the season - which is NOT to stress yourself out and get all wound up about what you haven't done.

Before I know it - the new year will be here.....

For now, I hope I can catch my breath and enjoy the season ahead.

Hope you all do as well!

Be blessed.

perhaps.....

I was listening to an interview with the lead singer of a "Christian" band the other day.

At the same time I'm reading "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell.

The part that I'd just finished reading was about how we like to label everything. What makes a band "Christian"? Should we attempt to label?

Just some questions....

But what I found more interesting was what this guy was saying in his interview. He was talking about being a Christian, and how this influenced his music.

Instead of talking about the music, he talked about how we as Christians were the biggest hypocrites. How we somehow mistook the role of "Christian" to mean that we had to portray ourselves as perfect. When in fact we should be out there showing the world that we're imperfect, but we have God's grace and mercy.

We should be the first to say Wops, made a mistake there..... sorry.

We shouldn't put so much pressure on the people who are in the spotlight. They too are human, infallible? I don't think so.

Anyway... all jumbled thoughts right now. But that struck a chord with me. I don't want to be one of those people who walks around "Hollier than thou", I want to be real with people - which I guess means showing my weaknesses. Showing I am human.

I hope I do that anyway.... but it's certainly something to think about.

It Just Takes One......

Years back the band Casting Crowns came out with a song about being the Body of Christ. For me, this song kind of takes it to a new level.
It just takes one to make a difference.... I think so often we underestimate the power of one person, one action, one moment.......

Just wanted to share.



It Just Takes One - Addison Road


What if we moved
What if we wandered
Took a reckless ride to the other side
of the tracks

What if we knew somebody's story
Would we write them off like a number
on a check

Or could we be the only souls
Who take the time to love and find
The beauty in a nameless face

(Chorus)
It just takes one
It just takes one
To step out from the crowd,and show
what love is all about
One,it takes one
To change a life forever,touch the
world and make it better

So what if we moved with no
hesitations
And learn to love the least of these
without reserve
Let's spark a change in this generation
And let our actions speak louder than
our words

And what if there's a world in need
of hope
That only we can bring
Brighter then the midday sun

CHORUS

backwards to go forwards.....

I need to learn to let go.

I have the funny feeling that I must be one of the worst people at this little exercise.
It doesn't matter how unhealthy I know it to be, I'll still cling for dear life.

And I do mean CLING.

I don't let people in easily, which in turn means I find it incredibly difficult to let someone go who has made it in. Even when I know it's for the best.

It feels like such a year of lessons for me, and most of them are hurting quite a bit right now.

I know that the sooner I deal with them, the sooner I'll be ready to move on to the big exciting stuff.... the stuff I'm just dying to get my teeth stuck into. :)


Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

~ James 1:2-4

winding path

I thought the photo suited the mood today.

I was thinking about destinations..... how we get to where we want to be.

For me I'm always driving. For work, for adventures with friends, for family......
I'm always in my car, and typically I take the most direct route to get to where I need to be. (Not always, as half the fun of these adventures is seeing everything along the way - but it's by choice.... except when I'm super lost!)

If only it were that easy with life.

To jump into some kind of machine that will put us on the path to where we want to go. Instead, I find myself weaving and winding down lots of different paths. Should I go through that door? Would that path be easier? Will the stones hurt my feet if I go that way?
And then half way down one path things get more and more difficult, and the idea of turning around appeals. Or maybe there is a fork in the road? There are always decisions to be made about where you're going and how you're going to get there.

I've had to sit down and write lists of what I want to happen this year. Everything on the list is something that I think will help me to get to where I want to go.
I'm not silly enough to think that I'll get everything done, or that it won't be difficult, but I want to make a start.

With my faith I'm always trusting that when I get on the wrong path that I'll stumble across a dead end or a massive STOP sign. Something will push me to change directions, to re-think my plans. I'm also always reminded that my problems are never too big for God to deal with.

In the photo you can see the road winding its way down the hill, and it looks so small. The cars are miniature in comparison to their surrounding - and yet we all know how big a car can look - especially when they're zooming towards you.
So I'm reminded that all the big deals and hard times are like these cars. They really are small when you look at them from a different perspective.
My mustard seed of faith is enough to make a mountain move when I speak in the authority that I've been given. So problems? What problems? (To have that kind of faith. woah!)

Sooooooooo....... I'm traveling down the road..... the road to finish my teaching degree, and I'm making some moves so that if my door opens this time next year, I can jump on a plane to head somewhere else.
Doors may slam..... but for now, the roads seem straight, and I'm cruising to some sounds...... remembering that nothing is too big for He who loves me and has created me for a purpose greater than my wildest dreams.

Life is really sooooooooooooooooooooo good. If I just remember to look from a different perspective, to remind myself, I know I'll be ok.

slightly overwhelmed

I think I've managed to work myself into a tizz.

Part of it is that I do have a huge amount going on for the rest of the year.....
and part of it is there are things swimming around in my head and heart that I'm not doing such a great job of dealing with.

I know that God will never give me more than I can handle... I just wish he'd also show me how to handle the situations.

Superglue?

So, right now.... as my work day is about to end, there is a gorgeous blue sky day waiting for me and I wish I were able to just float away above it all.

Ride the on the zephyr, breathing in deeply, and letting out a massive sigh with everything else that's tangled up inside.

Life.......

so it begins....

My kitchen wall.......

A mass of cards, most notes from friends.... photos.... invites... and colour.....
When I do up the kitchen I'd like to actually make that wall a great big magnetic space. :)

For now.... I have to pack it all up, and wonder when it will all see the light of day again.

Packing in faith and in anticipation of this next GREAT season!

a little raw

I was at a woman's conference on Saturday.

A great day with a room full of woman of all ages, stories being shared along with tears being shed. As one lady got up, she said - I don't know about you guys, but my bra is soaking wet.

What a thing to say and yet I could relate.

5 days later and I'm still a little raw from the things that were revealed to me. Actually, little may be a slight understatement.

And so, the things which have hurt need to be dealt with.

To top it all off, I'm now sick in bed with a chest infection.
I have to get out of this house and quite possibly this country. he he.

I've been reminded of my days working at the boarding school.... my passion for young girls. It all kind of ties together with what's been going on in my heart, and also the whole idea of going back to study.
I'm going to finally finish my teaching degree...

And I'm excited about it. A little confused as to why I'd get excited about something I don't actually want to do?! But maybe it's what I need to get back into a boarding school situation. While I don't want to be a teacher... I would love to be in a place like that again.

Which ties in with a few other things....

It's an interesting road.... interesting thoughts.....

For now... I just need to keep dealing with the raw stuff and get better.

Hope everyone else is feeling a little stretched. A little pruned. Alive!


"You make everything glorious and I am yours..... what does that make me?"
~ David Crowder.

can't sleep....

I've been tossing and turning.

My head is full of questions.... un-answerable ones, but that doesn't stop me from throwing them around in the dark.

Unfortunately none of them have stuck to the walls, or ceiling and they land right back where they came from. To continue the swim through whatever else has happened today.

Maybe they'll end up stuck to some question from a client about the amp rating required to run a specific motor? Or maybe to the the flight schedule I was trying to sort out tonight for the trip to Rarotonga for my brothers wedding.

I have plenty of things that I actually need to spend time and effort on - but instead the questions which keep me awake are the ones I can do absolutely nothing about. The one's that will probably be left un-answered, that we are left to let go of, or be dragged down by the weight.

How long will I carry them?

Perhaps it could all be compared to sin? We choose whether we carry it around, or ask for forgiveness. Most of the time we carry it, with our guilt thinking this is what we deserve. How could God forgive us when we do such terrible things?

But Easter is all about how that was changed. One man changed it all and he would have done it JUST FOR YOU.

By holding onto the sin and by believing that we deserve to carry it around with us, we're choosing to not believe that God did come to take it all away from us. To wash us whiter than snow.

So - we either believe in God. Believe that we are forgiven. Or, we believe that it's better to carry it around - there by dis-honering God and the amazing act/gift that was given to each of us.

I'm choosing God, and accepting what I don't deserve, but what he freely gives to me.

Life.

broken...

Does anyone have a quick remedy for a broken heart?

Is there such a thing?

A quick fix?

Will super glue work?
An antiseptic cream?
A soothing balm?

A hug would probably do wonders about now.

I'd like to be gracious through the hurt..... but honestly..... uhg.

I know that being tired is partly to blame right now. My allergies are kicking in again - so it's time to change the medication. 6 months seems to be the max that I can stay on any one drug before I get used to it and it stops working.
Mum is doing well, though I tend to worry about her too much.
There is the stress of the job and house.....

And the ever persistent question of... What am I still doing here?

I had hoped that this would be a better year, but so far, I feel battered and bruised.
I know I'm not alone..... but right now, its feels like the bottom has dropped out from under me.

I'll be diving into the bible tonight looking for some soothing words to carry me through this one. I suspect that David may understand how I'm feeling right now.

I actually picked up a Beth Moore study book - "Living Free" about praying God's word. Think I'll get into that after a trip to the gym.

Any suggestions are always appreciated. :)

xx

The weekend....

Wow...
What a weekend.

Emotionally, incredibly draining. Perhaps even that is an understatement? I feel like the littlest thing may just leave me in a heap on the floor.

Last year my birthday fell on Easter Sunday - which was amazing! And Jiljane came up to spend it with me. So, only fair that I should fly down to Christchurch to spend Easter with her this year.

I flew down on Good Friday night and left very early on Monday morning.

I don't like making tons of plans when I go away, but do try to have some loose plans with friends that I need to catch up with. I'd organised with most to have dinner on Saturday night, and to have brunch up on the hill that morning. Other than that.... it was a matter of trying to fit everyone in.

Flying in I was amazed at the feeling of coming home. Why did I leave again?
It didn't help that the weather was perfect. The sun shone all weekend, and while it got cooler one night - it really wasn't any worse than up here. The mountains were majestic, the trees a wonderful array of autumn colours, and everything felt crisp and ready for change.

Perhaps that feeling got into my bones?

Change........

Most of my friends down there are pregnant. Waddling around with their big tummies. Quite funny. It's funny how this has changed one particular relationship. Most of the friends I've only known while they've been married - and so our friendship developed around that.
Jacx and I are different.

We both arrived in Christchurch the same week. She from South Africa, and I from San Francisco. This is when God moved in a HUGE way.
We met through a family friend that I was staying with, actually at an auction. he he. We were both looking for beds, although neither of us got one. I did end up buying her a bedside table though. :)
After looking at a hopeless number of houses to move into, God put me into the house on the hill - which was just up the road from her. We quickly became friends.
I'd like to think that she needed me as much as I needed her.
We'd both walk up and down the hill to see each other. I was studying, and became involved in the church with her. While I was going through heartache, it was an amazing time of God growth.
There was Bible school, being part of the praise and worship team, challenged to be a leader... awesome times.

The next year she came back from South Africa, and I was a tutor at a private girls school, and as God would have it - another position opened up for Jacx. We lived in huge old houses which backed onto eachothers back yards.... so we'd pop through a fence to catch up.

The year after this.... I guess God thought we had been here long enough to build up other relationships. :) She moved across town and I moved a couple of blocks from the school into a house with 2 other girls and a guy. 1 of those girls was Danica - in fact, it was her parents house, the other was my friend Jackie... so God was in total control there.
Peter pumpkin and I still keep in touch from time to time as well.
But the relationship that I have with Danica and Jackie is pretty precious....

Anyway.... when Jacx got married (3rd stint as bridesmaid... there's a photo way back somewhere on here) things did change. I guess God knew that would happen - and he moved them 2 blocks away from me! We would have our chick flick dates, and the bond was solid.

Now.... things have changed again. I started this year off by writing her several letters spilling out my heart, and while we will always be close - it does feel like she's crossing into this new phase of her life without me.

I didn't get to spend enough time with her over the weekend - which was partly my fault - but I think I did it to protect myself as well. I don't want to really acknowledge the change.
I think I'll have to write her another letter this week.

I know that there are seasons.... and reasons for things to change..... but I'm not enjoying it.

And at the same time there are just so many other decisions which have to be made. A plan to be formed. I don't feel like I know which of the paths in front of me is the God given one.

I trust that He'll keep slaming doors on me when I choose the wrong one, but I'd quite like to find the right one and continue running the race.
The last few months have felt like way more of a roundabout than a path.

And I may be getting dizzy.

If you've managed to get to the end of this... could you please pray for me. That I wouldn't base my decisions on where my family is at, and learn to trust my heart.

I'm trusting that the desires of my heart are not going to be wasted, and that all the passions I have will be given a chance to grow and be used.
I just need to know where and when to jump.

Be blessed, friends. And really praying that your Easter has been a time of reflection at what has been given. LIFE.

Tons of aroha.
xxxx

* I'm really loving the photo with the black background. Think I may have to get this one framed to put on the wall. :) Actually - think it may have to be for someone else. My walls are filling up. he he.