Wednesday, January 23, 2008



Just downing my coffee in quick gulps before I run out the door.
Still not feeling terribly awake. :)

I applied for a job yesterday.

I'm scared. Not so much that I have to go through the job interview process, but that God may want me here, while deep down I'm aching to get out of here.

Or is it that I can't figure out what my purpose is here.

Am I still meant to be sitting in a waiting room? The one that my life feels like.

I've never been one to sit around waiting. I'm trying to stay busy, but my life feels a tad empty, and I think a result of this had been my disinterest in pursuing my relationship with Christ.

I know, not something I admit easily. Not something I want to be true - but right now, I know that pride and hurt are there between God and myself, and in order for me to get "right" I need to get that out of the way.

In a strange way, I want to make myself accountable to you guys. Not because it's easier to be accountable to people who are not around.... but because I know that there are so many faithful people out there who will pray for me, and encourage me.
I'm telling my brother and sister in law too when I catch up with them at our next bible study, so I will be accountable to people here as well.

Thanks so much for being there.

"Difficulties exist to be surmounted."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Robert A Vollrath said...

This post seems very honest and from the heart. I can relate to feeling like you're in a waiting room.
My life has been on hold for three years because I did the right thing instead of the easy thing.
All my prayers are with you.

Using up the words.... said...

Robert ~
Yes, most often the way. Catch me while I'm still half asleep and the honesty will ooze. :) I like to be honest on here. I try at least.
Not easy to do the right thing, but always the bigger and better thing to do. While society will often not understand the choice - one day you will be rewarded!

mreddie said...

From my own experience waiting is probably one of the hardest things we humans have to do. But waiting is sometimes one of the things God wants us to do, wait until it is His time - but to busy ourselves with God's work while we wait. I have also noticed that it is so much easier for me to hear God's voice if I have drawn close to Him. ec

Robert A Vollrath said...

I just finished the Invisible Picnic.
Take a look when you have time.