Monday, March 07, 2005

all my soul.....

have had a night at home by myself, which is often an interesting occassion. I relish in my time alone, and yet - the thoughts that so often overwhelm my head come crashing like waves on a steep, empty beach.

The sand is left battered, the seaweed bruised.... and my emotions.... scared?

I'm just tired, and have to remember to get up early to pick up Tony from the airport. He's left me messages asking if I could still love him?

After the last curious discussion that we had..... I'm left wondering about so much.

remembered the conversation I had with my brother Tamati an awfully long time ago now, when he was super upset, and it all coincided with me having just broken up with bruce. He was lying on his back, crying.... and the only wise words I had for him.... not to lie and cry, cause the water would run into his ears, and it wasn't good for him.
Yeah - totally what older sisters are for, right!
I haven't spoken to him since I was up there. And I guess I'm having an I miss you moment. Will have to give him a call tomorrow.

Talked to Dad today. Spoke to him on Friday and he was super stressed then. Today was no different. Probably more so. I hate it. They havea horse show on this weekend, and I was wondering about flying up for it to help out. Madness.... but I haven't talked to mum about it. Doubt that I'd find a decent flight that would make it worthwhile. Still do wish that I was around though to help out.

They seem to be struggling with way too much, and it doesn't sound like Alex is around at all these days, although dad did say he comes home and mows the lawn before he dissapears again.
I feel like I need to ring them all up and see what's going on. Encourage them to help out when they can. To not be all self absorbed, as I know that my brothers can be.


No stars either. hehehe

off I go to sing the blues. till the sun rises, and I realise, actually..... life is good once more! (it's not really bad, promise!)

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