grumpy kinda sunshiney day...

I know it sounds like a contradiction in terms, and shouldn't really be allowed to happen. I fully agree.....
And yet, here I am.

It's been a super busy, whirlwind kind of weekend catching up with people, and life in general. The consequences of having 2 full weeks away. I get so tired. My last night away was one of tossing and turning fiasco... shouldn't complain, because it was also the night of the awesome sunset. Maybe I was still just in awe of it all?!

Got home to an empty house, which was probably just as well. Benny ended up staying the night, which was funny, as always. Means that we do tend to stay up and yak later than we should. We eventually got up the next morning..... aparently I didn't snore, but laughed away the night instead. Must be totally insane!

Jackie ended up coming up to the cup with us... and woweeee... haven't laughed so much in ages. Poor ben suddenly figured out why he was allowed to come and stay at out house.... yes.... because he's such a boy, and no threat at all..... no seriously. It's because he's one of the people who is silly enough to keep me sane.
He's taken off for 5 weeks of solid work touring around - so I guess I'll see him after that, and will no doubt be in dire need of more silliness.
I've always been a firm believer of needing crazy in my life to keep me sane. :)

In some ways - the coolest thing was we all went our seperate ways after a long, drawn out breakfast. Ben was heading off to bike with a friend, Jackie was going to run some errands, and I had shopping to do for the dinner party that night.
I love having that freedom. That you can have such a great time with friends, but also have the freedom to go do your own thing.... knowing you'd catch up later. Does that make sense?

I was on a mission to make pasta with the new pasta maker... wohooooo!! What a labour of love that turned out to be! My goodness!
Took me two hours to get it done, and in the end - because I didn't have a hanger for it all.... it was all glumped together again! CLASSIC!
I was making the sauce at the same time, which was super yummy..... so that was all taken care of, and people were bringing things to make a salad.

In the end I had to start making the pasta again.... a few friends turned up, and in typical CJ fashion, everyone was involved in the making of dinner. It was a beautiful thing - and I just giggled away. I know that it would freak out so many people to have that kind of chaos, but I was always reknown for having that kind of thing going on when I invited around people for dinner. It was all so beautiful, real, and ME! I always figured it was a great way for people to get involved, get to know people they didn't know, and just be real with eachother. (You've all been warned if you ever make it this way for dinner!!!)

Ended up just being a hillarious night. There were 13 of us altogether....and what a mixed bunch. All such dear friends, and many that I haven't seen much of in ages. Lives all going in different directions, which I sometimes struggle with. I want to grasp onto the friendships, and the way they were... but times and seasons change. I guess I get to cherish what was, and look forward to the new friendships, and the way they are growing and becoming more to me now. It's exciting.

We played articulate in groups... which was chaos. So many funny, crazy moments! Decided we should have a google party sometime... I'm thinking everyone should have to google a recipe, and we have to bring the item for a pot luck. :) We'll see.... a few of us are all about random bits of information as well though.

Ben and I ended up staying up later... yaking again. I was so glad he was there for dinner, and got to meet these friends of mine. I knew that he would hit it off with T.... and he'd kind of realise, actually... for a bunch of christians - we are mad! :) and not so bad to hang out with.

Aparently I spent the night giggling away again, which is bizarre, because I woke up crying again. Yeah explain that one... waking up with this super heavy and sorrofull feeling. There is no other way to describe it.
Of course, trying to explain what I'm feeling and why to ben that morning was difficult, when I don't get it myself! He just listened to my babble on.. trying to work it out in my own head. It's such a horrible feeling....

We managed to get up early enough to make scrambled eggs before I had to dash off to church. Moving normally helps to find a sense of normalty, and one of being. It's too easy to let the emotions totally consume me.... and then I'm out of it for the rest of the day.

As it turned out we had a pastor over from Australia who was WOW. All about walking out your destiny, and not letting any "lameness" come into our lives, and stop us from staying on track. It was great... moving... thought provoking... and what I needed!

I left in abit of a hurry.. as I'd told Ben I would be home around 11:30...but in the rush, as I was about to drive off I spoted a kid from church sprinting down the street. Figured I better go see if he needed a ride. Rob, who is 17, is such a great kid! We've had lots of great conversations, and he's so passionate, and alive. Anyway... he was running late for work, so I was able to give him a ride home. The relief he had was huge. You know.... I have to remind myself how the simple things to us, can in fact, be so huge for the other person. It didn't take anything for me to drive to his house, but it made a huge difference to the rest of his day.

The same thing kind of happened while I was driving home from the West Coast. I normally pick up hitch hikers when I'm driving around. i actually feel guilty about having an empty car (well, except for all my samples) So I pick them up when I don't have too many stops to make. Anyway... was driving through Arthurs Pass.. music blaring away... me singing away to Bethany Dillon... thinking about the week, and just kind of zooming in my own world. I drove past some hitch hikers, and just thought... nah... I'm enjoying my space, enjoying listening to my own music, and plus - I'd have to clean up my mess!
I got down the road where I wanted to take a couple of pics.... and it looked like it was going to rain, and I realised how damn selfish I was being. Totally and utterly. I quickly tried to clean up my mess so there would be room for anyone to sit in the back seat and drove back...
I found them and asked if I could give them a ride somewhere....
They were again... beyond relieved!
Two girls had managed to get a ride, and were going to pick up one of the cars and then drive back to get these two. BUT... it would be so much easier for me to take them both to get the other car. They had just finished a 3 days tramp and were exhausted, and cold. We loaded up everything into the car, and I probably drove a whole 10 - 20 ks down the road. What a HUGE deal, NOT! What a huge part of my day it consumed, and what a huge sacrifice I had to make.

BOY... did I need a kick up the bum for my attitude!

I almost missed out on an opportunity to show how friendly kiwi's can be(or Canadians in disguise for that matter) and give them two from Israel a break. It was a chance for me to give someone some time, and a blessing.... and what a joy it is to be able to bless someone!

I guess I'm learning the leason this weekend.

I can't live a selfish life, and it's so easy to just slip into the ME mode, not looking at the real picture.

On that note.... after such a long prattle.....

I'm off to go pick up some more pots to plant some more flowers. I'm determined to spruce up the back yard. Even got some vegie plants the other day. need to plant those as well. You should see the basilets. :) Growing with gumption! Planted some other seeds today.... cosmos, wildflower mix... oh and I need to plant the sunflower seeds too.

YAY.... feeling better now. :)

Better get out there and enjoy the sunbeams while they are there.

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does!" William James.