My computer blew up!
Last wednesday I came home after running round all morning, turned on my trustly PC to have it suddenly start beeping at me. What kind of beep you ask? Only fair since it was the question I was asked by everyone that I told: It was a constant, same pitch, no change in rhythm.... makes it sound like a musical instrument... what it was was a HUGE pain in the butt!I'm now trying to do this one my poor, old laptop, which, while still working, which is a step up from my other computer... just won't cut the mustard! :) It will be another 7 days before I'm likely to even hear what is wrong with my computer, up to 5 weeks before I may return fixed. So.... this may be it for a while. As much as it drives me nuts, the speed of the turtle is too much for me to take. lol. So.... till next time folks, I'll leave you with the thought that I'm a n internet junkie minus my fix. Imagine what I'll be like when I get my computer back! :) YAY! Bring it on! Oh.... and I've looked at laptops, and wondered... but keep seeing a Canadian plane ticket is going to have to come first. This is just character building before I get there. And for miss Tab; we need to catch up. Vancouver has won! Come Feb next year, you should have a list of fab cafes, theatres, and any other spots you can think of for us to go and explore! Watch out Vancouver... it's bound to be madness. Maybe you could keep your ears peeled for anyone looking for a flatmate? Exciting stuff!
Blessings!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
spring clean?
Was quite the productive day, perhaps just in comparison to yesterday? Took the car in for a service early this morning, and was given a rather nice brand new pulsar to drive around for the morning. Of course... didn't actually go very far in it. :) Did meet Jacx for a coffee, which was all good. Actually, it's going to be a silly social week again. Meeting Candïce for breakfast tomorrow, lunch with Greg on Thursday, breakfast with Rae on Friday, and then out to get my haircut and catch up with Victoria. Whew....
Started to go through things today.... after talking to mum about flights home in August - figure I had probably better start to think about things that I may want to leave at home? Quite a thought, really. What to do with everything when I've gone? Do I just get rid of it all? Or do I store things away? Crazy thought! Started to just go through paper... amazing how it just gathers....So... got the fire going, and burnt old letters, even valentines. hehehe. Funny to find things like that. :) Feels good to have a clean out though. I think there are really only a few things that I'll take up to Mum and Dad that I would like to keep - in fact, may even have shipped over to Canada at a later stage?
Found an old Canadian friend online tonight... and had a very quick chat. He's now living in Japan, having got married 6 months ago to a Japaness girl. Loving it over there... now teaching english. He thought I should think about living in Victoria, which is where he is from. It's another place that has crossed my mind... and almost appeals more than Vancouver. More research required I guess. I'm relieved that this is all still feeling so comfortable now. That I can start the whole process and have that thing to look forward to. Now, just need to get ahold of Nig and sort out where and when we'll be meeting up! He was supposed to be calling last weekend - but didn't hear anything. Maybe this weekend? Was thinking about going out to Akaroa to stay with Jimbo and Kym on Friday night. Haven't really caught up with them in ages! In fact, have yet to see their place over there... and if the weather stays like this... will be perfect to be holed up in front of the fire playing board games.
Right... need to go find my bed. Somewhere under everything....
yipeeeeeeee
Started to go through things today.... after talking to mum about flights home in August - figure I had probably better start to think about things that I may want to leave at home? Quite a thought, really. What to do with everything when I've gone? Do I just get rid of it all? Or do I store things away? Crazy thought! Started to just go through paper... amazing how it just gathers....So... got the fire going, and burnt old letters, even valentines. hehehe. Funny to find things like that. :) Feels good to have a clean out though. I think there are really only a few things that I'll take up to Mum and Dad that I would like to keep - in fact, may even have shipped over to Canada at a later stage?
Found an old Canadian friend online tonight... and had a very quick chat. He's now living in Japan, having got married 6 months ago to a Japaness girl. Loving it over there... now teaching english. He thought I should think about living in Victoria, which is where he is from. It's another place that has crossed my mind... and almost appeals more than Vancouver. More research required I guess. I'm relieved that this is all still feeling so comfortable now. That I can start the whole process and have that thing to look forward to. Now, just need to get ahold of Nig and sort out where and when we'll be meeting up! He was supposed to be calling last weekend - but didn't hear anything. Maybe this weekend? Was thinking about going out to Akaroa to stay with Jimbo and Kym on Friday night. Haven't really caught up with them in ages! In fact, have yet to see their place over there... and if the weather stays like this... will be perfect to be holed up in front of the fire playing board games.
Right... need to go find my bed. Somewhere under everything....
yipeeeeeeee
Monday, July 18, 2005
rainy monday
Was a fairly sucessful day.... if you look at it from a slackers perspective. I did get my reports finished for last week, which was the main task for the day, which kind of explained why I was still so tired. Last week was pretty busy!
So... I mucked around, did laundry, wrote some emails, dreamed about kayaking in Alaska and looked at kitset homes. :) What better way to spend a rainy Monday?
Ains came home in a grump, so she's been hiding away in her room. She really struggles with her morning shifts - so good thing she's working tomorrow afternoon. :) I have to remember to take my car in for a service early tomorrow morning. They are supposed to be giving me a car to use while it's all being done - but when I made the appointment the guy seemed awfully distracted, so just hoping that all works out.
No big plans for tomorrow either. Guess I had better get organised for the following week away up North. Book places to stay, and make all the appointments. It's funny.... the weeks at home are getting busier, which is all good. Got an email from the boss today asking me to make an appointment with a "tough nut". Wasn't sure how I was meant to feel about that one right now. Meanwhile... also a note telling me to go and explore the New Worlds around here. Yipeeeee.
Oh - catching with with Jacx tomorrow.... coffee sometime. Haven't really seen her in over a week... the joys of feeling out of it when I get back. She left a huge long message filling me in on everything that happened last week... birthday's galour, and all sorts. hehe. Quite funny.
Sometimes it's just easier not to try and catch up though. Mike is beating me in the social butterfly stakes right now.... rubbed it in by sending a txt at almost 3am to say he had just gotten home. hahaha. ben and I had just stopped talking.... doesn't worry me, but in the morning, Ben wanted revenge, so we sent one to wake up Mike. :) hahaha... the child in us all.
Actually... was so good to catch up with ben this weekend! Just one of those guys that I can be around, and not have any walls up. I am who I am, and while I know that I freaked him out recently.. and I know I didn't manage to answer all his questions well, he just left it, and told me he would be here for me. It means a huge amount to me. We were going to call Gordie while he was here to try and track him down, and find out when he was coming home - but didn't get around to it. Kind of good on the timing... I'm pretty sure he'll be home after Christmas, so Ben and he will be able to hang out again. We were talking about when we met, and how long it's been since Gordie left the other day... amazing how quickly time flies... but also very cool the way we just kind of slotted into eachothers lives. Ben's declared that I'll just have to be the "canadian hangout" for all their climbing adventures. Promising... but I wonder when he'll get his butt over there to see me? No matter... we always seem to be able to just pick up where we left off when we do see eachother.
We went and saw "A good woman" on Sunday. I won ben over with the fact that Scarlet Johansen was in the movie. That should have put me off! Her acting skills were pretty dissapointing!!! Couldn't quite believe it.... in her saddest scene, I just laughed! Oscars witt did prevail through it all though.
Ahhhhh.... starting to feel more relaxed... not sure if it's the vegie stew, the apple rolley polley, or just the fact that today was easy and I had good company? Who cares!
Bonuit
So... I mucked around, did laundry, wrote some emails, dreamed about kayaking in Alaska and looked at kitset homes. :) What better way to spend a rainy Monday?
Ains came home in a grump, so she's been hiding away in her room. She really struggles with her morning shifts - so good thing she's working tomorrow afternoon. :) I have to remember to take my car in for a service early tomorrow morning. They are supposed to be giving me a car to use while it's all being done - but when I made the appointment the guy seemed awfully distracted, so just hoping that all works out.
No big plans for tomorrow either. Guess I had better get organised for the following week away up North. Book places to stay, and make all the appointments. It's funny.... the weeks at home are getting busier, which is all good. Got an email from the boss today asking me to make an appointment with a "tough nut". Wasn't sure how I was meant to feel about that one right now. Meanwhile... also a note telling me to go and explore the New Worlds around here. Yipeeeee.
Oh - catching with with Jacx tomorrow.... coffee sometime. Haven't really seen her in over a week... the joys of feeling out of it when I get back. She left a huge long message filling me in on everything that happened last week... birthday's galour, and all sorts. hehe. Quite funny.
Sometimes it's just easier not to try and catch up though. Mike is beating me in the social butterfly stakes right now.... rubbed it in by sending a txt at almost 3am to say he had just gotten home. hahaha. ben and I had just stopped talking.... doesn't worry me, but in the morning, Ben wanted revenge, so we sent one to wake up Mike. :) hahaha... the child in us all.
Actually... was so good to catch up with ben this weekend! Just one of those guys that I can be around, and not have any walls up. I am who I am, and while I know that I freaked him out recently.. and I know I didn't manage to answer all his questions well, he just left it, and told me he would be here for me. It means a huge amount to me. We were going to call Gordie while he was here to try and track him down, and find out when he was coming home - but didn't get around to it. Kind of good on the timing... I'm pretty sure he'll be home after Christmas, so Ben and he will be able to hang out again. We were talking about when we met, and how long it's been since Gordie left the other day... amazing how quickly time flies... but also very cool the way we just kind of slotted into eachothers lives. Ben's declared that I'll just have to be the "canadian hangout" for all their climbing adventures. Promising... but I wonder when he'll get his butt over there to see me? No matter... we always seem to be able to just pick up where we left off when we do see eachother.
We went and saw "A good woman" on Sunday. I won ben over with the fact that Scarlet Johansen was in the movie. That should have put me off! Her acting skills were pretty dissapointing!!! Couldn't quite believe it.... in her saddest scene, I just laughed! Oscars witt did prevail through it all though.
Ahhhhh.... starting to feel more relaxed... not sure if it's the vegie stew, the apple rolley polley, or just the fact that today was easy and I had good company? Who cares!
Bonuit
Saturday, July 16, 2005
home is....
where I seem to make a huge mess, and then run out the door again. :)
Got home after 7 last night.... after a mostly beautiful drive home. Lindis pass was all grand, and the sunset through Geraldine was perfect. Of course, as soon as the sun started going down, I got sleepy.
My night in Arrowtown was pretty cool. Found a very nice cosey pub to have dinner in - only because the restaurant I wanted to go to was totally full... so they pointed me in the direction of the pub where I could order from the restaurant, which was all good.
The pub; 'behind the blue door' has a great fire place, and comfy, cosey leather arm chairs that you can just fall into and while away the evening with a good local red, and book to read.
Of course, by Thursday nights on my weeks away I'm really craving company... so I sat at the bar, and chatted to the bartender. The cottage that I stayed at; shades
was very cute and cosey. It was a freezing cold night, and I ended up keeping the heater on the lowest setting all night - which is something I normally hate doing. I don't enjoy waking up to a stuffy room....
There was a pretty impressive frost the next morning.... the car frozen shut, puddles all frozen over. Just fresh and alive kinda day. The drive over the crown range was spectacular... and since I didn't have a morning meeting I just kind of cruised my way around. Arrived in Wanaka and sat by the lake to do some paper work. Blissssss.
So, today has been spent cleaning up... doing the laundry and cleaning my room, which I always seem to leave in a state. ben is supposed to be up today.... waiting for him to get here so we can go out for lunch - but haven't heard anything. I'm getting hungry too. May give up on waiting!
He's supposed to be staying tonight... figured he may want some floor space. :)
Anyway... better go hang out the last load of washing.
Till next time..... keep your toes warm.
Got home after 7 last night.... after a mostly beautiful drive home. Lindis pass was all grand, and the sunset through Geraldine was perfect. Of course, as soon as the sun started going down, I got sleepy.
My night in Arrowtown was pretty cool. Found a very nice cosey pub to have dinner in - only because the restaurant I wanted to go to was totally full... so they pointed me in the direction of the pub where I could order from the restaurant, which was all good.
The pub; 'behind the blue door' has a great fire place, and comfy, cosey leather arm chairs that you can just fall into and while away the evening with a good local red, and book to read.
Of course, by Thursday nights on my weeks away I'm really craving company... so I sat at the bar, and chatted to the bartender. The cottage that I stayed at; shades
was very cute and cosey. It was a freezing cold night, and I ended up keeping the heater on the lowest setting all night - which is something I normally hate doing. I don't enjoy waking up to a stuffy room....
There was a pretty impressive frost the next morning.... the car frozen shut, puddles all frozen over. Just fresh and alive kinda day. The drive over the crown range was spectacular... and since I didn't have a morning meeting I just kind of cruised my way around. Arrived in Wanaka and sat by the lake to do some paper work. Blissssss.
So, today has been spent cleaning up... doing the laundry and cleaning my room, which I always seem to leave in a state. ben is supposed to be up today.... waiting for him to get here so we can go out for lunch - but haven't heard anything. I'm getting hungry too. May give up on waiting!
He's supposed to be staying tonight... figured he may want some floor space. :)
Anyway... better go hang out the last load of washing.
Till next time..... keep your toes warm.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
into the sunset.....
So, I should be packed by now, with everything totally organised for the next week. Unfortunatly that's not the case right now.
I didn't sleep much last night, and have had a sore back all afternoon. Can't quite figure out what's up with that. Anyway... it's become totally obvious how tired I am, and how it so totally effects the way I think in a rational way.(as rare as it may be). My state of mind or being is not a fun place to reside at this present moment.
Everything gets blown way out of preportion, for no reason, other than... it just can.
Fun, huh!
On that note - I've decided to give up on the work, and hey, even though it's only 7pm. I'm going to crawl into bed. Maybe read for abit, and then SLEEP. :)
I refuse to take this crazy attitude away with me this week. Hope everyone has a gorgeous week!
goodnight world.... goodbye silliness.
I didn't sleep much last night, and have had a sore back all afternoon. Can't quite figure out what's up with that. Anyway... it's become totally obvious how tired I am, and how it so totally effects the way I think in a rational way.(as rare as it may be). My state of mind or being is not a fun place to reside at this present moment.
Everything gets blown way out of preportion, for no reason, other than... it just can.
Fun, huh!
On that note - I've decided to give up on the work, and hey, even though it's only 7pm. I'm going to crawl into bed. Maybe read for abit, and then SLEEP. :)
I refuse to take this crazy attitude away with me this week. Hope everyone has a gorgeous week!
goodnight world.... goodbye silliness.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
nerves
My boss arrives tomorrow morning in time for us to do a presentation at 10. EICK!
For some reason the combination of having him here, and having to do the presentation just makes my stomach flop around in the most peculiar way!
So.... the BIG question that continues to float around my head.....
WHAT DO I WEAR??
No idea... but I guess I'll find something.
More importantly, I managed to go and get the car washed, and all spiffy looking - which was something that's been annoying me. Much like my room. I seem to get home, throw everything around, do all the washing that I can, and then leave again in a whirlwind. Sounds ever so romantic (HA!) but in actual fact, I will go crazy if by the end of this week my room does not improve drastically. Like I want to actually be able to curl up on my window seat with my new book and read to my hearts content while basking in the sunlight - otherwise, what is the point of having this gorgeous window seat!
No big plans for this week, although thinking a movie on Tuesday with the girls. There are a few new artsy ones that have come out....
I almost finished the painting this morning. Want to play around with that some more, and maybe start the next one. Bit annoyed at how the mountains turned out.... but unsure of how to fix it without making a bigger mess? Ahhhh.... fun stuff though.
So, till tomorrow......
May the sun always shine on your back.
For some reason the combination of having him here, and having to do the presentation just makes my stomach flop around in the most peculiar way!
So.... the BIG question that continues to float around my head.....
WHAT DO I WEAR??
No idea... but I guess I'll find something.
More importantly, I managed to go and get the car washed, and all spiffy looking - which was something that's been annoying me. Much like my room. I seem to get home, throw everything around, do all the washing that I can, and then leave again in a whirlwind. Sounds ever so romantic (HA!) but in actual fact, I will go crazy if by the end of this week my room does not improve drastically. Like I want to actually be able to curl up on my window seat with my new book and read to my hearts content while basking in the sunlight - otherwise, what is the point of having this gorgeous window seat!
No big plans for this week, although thinking a movie on Tuesday with the girls. There are a few new artsy ones that have come out....
I almost finished the painting this morning. Want to play around with that some more, and maybe start the next one. Bit annoyed at how the mountains turned out.... but unsure of how to fix it without making a bigger mess? Ahhhh.... fun stuff though.
So, till tomorrow......
May the sun always shine on your back.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
moments....
One of my most favouritest pictures of the man in the chair.... looking beyond thoughtful. I guess it's one of those moments where you realise how truly unique NZ is, when you come out of the bush, having spent some days tramping in the bush.... and there in the middle of nowhere is an arm chair. :)I am so looking forward to catching up with this boy. Haven't heard from him in ages... he didn't even reply to my birthday message... but I'm guessing that he's touring around Europe with his parents right now? Who knows.... but I guess I'll hear from him soon enough. He sounds confused about the Christmas plans. I don't think he really cares where we are, or for how long provided he gets time to do some serious snowboarding. I guess I'm going to have to learn pretty damn quickly, or be left in the cold.
So, time to start looking at tickets, and figuring it all out.... wohoooo! :)
Nikki rang a few times last weekend, while I wasn't around, so I had better give her a call tomorrow to catch up and see how everything is over yonder in Vancouver. Maybe she'll have some wise words for me? :) They are going to be in Calgary for Christmas... so we may have to start the trip there, and make our way to Vancouver afterwards? Imagine they will probably fly over... and I still really want to drive over the Rockies. So beautiful!
I guess this is what will get me through this year.....
"When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude."
Friday, July 01, 2005
nother weekend
This has been the scene lately while I've been driving around. This week it was up north, but on the way home I drove through Lewis Pass and stoped in at Hanmer to see Greg. Rained ALOT until I got there... and then suddenly you could see all the stars. It was quite beautiful. Mde it to Hanmer just before I got too sleepy. It had been a long day, and I'm so glad that Greg lives where he does. :)We went to a pretty cool asian place up there for dinner. He'd been out at a work do the night before and was zonked, but we still managed to stay up till quite late, yaking about everything - as we do.
The next morning I walked up Conical hill... which has awesome views of the mountains around that area. There was even some snow up there for me to play in.... and loads of ice. Almost slipped over on the way down, which would have been all exciting.
Was the perfect way to start the day.... especially after all the driving the day before. Was a super sunny day, and perfect for driving home.
No big plans for this weekend. I'm supposed to be heading over to another Greg's place for dinner... oh, and to see his new house which he's been living in since Easter. It's been that long since I last caught up with him. He claims that he's now a brilliant little chef, and so volunteered to cook dinner... I'm to bring the wine. We shall see. We made the arrangements 2 weeks ago... what are the chances that it happens? :)
Other than that... some sleep... breakfast on the hill tomorrow, and I started a painting tonight, so I guess I'll play around with that tomorrow.
Mike is off to the slopes early tomorrow... no doubt I'll get messages saying how absolutely fabulous the powder is, and how super gorgeous the day is. He's taken a week off to snowboard which just sounds too brilliant. Actually - I think he may have timed it with school holidays, which would be no good. Wonder if he thought about that one?
Anyway.... for now... adios
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
sweet sounds....
Sitting here... a Tuesday night, where I was AT HOME! :) Yay for holidays, and not having Bible school. That kind of sounds all wrong, doesn't it. I do enjoy it, but when the holidays roll round, it's good to know that you can be at home doing absolutely nothing if you choose.
I'm kind of curious about the rugby game being played in the cold, deep south - but not enough to get worried if I don't find out what the score was before I crash.
The city has turned itself black and white in an effort to get behind the All Blacks. Kind of funny to see so much complete unity and passion for a rugby team, and why is it when they are playing the Lions? Could it be the fact that England won the world cup, and many of the players are here to prove they are still the world champions? Who knows... but I'm in blown away by the efforts that have gone into the black and white campaign. Every school you drive past has a HUGE sign with ALL BLACKS on it in some way or other, which is quite cute... quite sick too! hehehe do we get this passionate about the fact that Campbell just won the US open? What about Team NZ over in Europe and the races they won over the weekend?
New Zealand will always be a Rugby Head country... and while it's not a bad thing, it can get to you the way the nation stops for a game. (Of course, the benefits of being able to go grocery shoping when everyone is firmly planted in front of a television set is nice.)
It's been a quiet week. They often are when I'm at home. I headed into town to see John. He was flapping around, so I had to jokingly ask if I could have my job back. He just laughed and asked if I could finish the things I hadn't done before I left. Was I free that afternoon to get things sorted? I know I miss the interaction and silly banter that gets thrown between us, and just the people contact... talking on the phone to people who want to talk to me. I never realised how bruising it can be to ones ego. Am I not a sales person after all?
There are certainly some issues that I have with this new company, but I'm not so naive as to think that there is a "perfect" company out there. But surely I'm not going to keep finding the companies that can't provide you with the simple things?!
The joys....
No more moaning... the doctor tomorrow to try and sort out the bigger things. :) While I'm beyond freaked at the idea of going in there and explaining things, I'm more scared at the prospect of letting things get worse. Will there be another opportunity?
I lost my keys today. Something that is not typical of me - not to really loose them, and have to turn the house upside down in an effort to find them. It made me loose my head. It was awful, and so pitiful at the same time. A sign of things? I hope not!
"Twenty years from now you will be more dissapointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
I'm kind of curious about the rugby game being played in the cold, deep south - but not enough to get worried if I don't find out what the score was before I crash.
The city has turned itself black and white in an effort to get behind the All Blacks. Kind of funny to see so much complete unity and passion for a rugby team, and why is it when they are playing the Lions? Could it be the fact that England won the world cup, and many of the players are here to prove they are still the world champions? Who knows... but I'm in blown away by the efforts that have gone into the black and white campaign. Every school you drive past has a HUGE sign with ALL BLACKS on it in some way or other, which is quite cute... quite sick too! hehehe do we get this passionate about the fact that Campbell just won the US open? What about Team NZ over in Europe and the races they won over the weekend?
New Zealand will always be a Rugby Head country... and while it's not a bad thing, it can get to you the way the nation stops for a game. (Of course, the benefits of being able to go grocery shoping when everyone is firmly planted in front of a television set is nice.)
It's been a quiet week. They often are when I'm at home. I headed into town to see John. He was flapping around, so I had to jokingly ask if I could have my job back. He just laughed and asked if I could finish the things I hadn't done before I left. Was I free that afternoon to get things sorted? I know I miss the interaction and silly banter that gets thrown between us, and just the people contact... talking on the phone to people who want to talk to me. I never realised how bruising it can be to ones ego. Am I not a sales person after all?
There are certainly some issues that I have with this new company, but I'm not so naive as to think that there is a "perfect" company out there. But surely I'm not going to keep finding the companies that can't provide you with the simple things?!
The joys....
No more moaning... the doctor tomorrow to try and sort out the bigger things. :) While I'm beyond freaked at the idea of going in there and explaining things, I'm more scared at the prospect of letting things get worse. Will there be another opportunity?
I lost my keys today. Something that is not typical of me - not to really loose them, and have to turn the house upside down in an effort to find them. It made me loose my head. It was awful, and so pitiful at the same time. A sign of things? I hope not!
"Twenty years from now you will be more dissapointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain
Thursday, June 16, 2005
tales of frost....
Zippy, Bungle and I made it home.... after much driving......
Oh- Zippy would of course by my imaginary friend, who is stuck in the car as a permenent fixture now. Poor thing. And, well, Bungle is the car itself.
It was an interesting journey... not bad... not great... though Dunedin is growing on me. It was amazing driving down to Balclutha.... even just outside of Dunedin - the frost was so heavy... the trees looked gorgeous... the road was pretty icy in some parts... only managed to skid once, no doubt at the most inopportune moment in the whole trip, but survived - as did Bungle. I just loved the whole look when driving through the valleys.... the trees, covered in frost, had a pink hue about them which was gorgeous with the sky in the background. Of course... didn't see much of the sky blue, but when you caught it.... luscious.
Drove through lots of cloud up in the higher mountains.... between Roxborough and Alexandra, couldn't see much of anything, but looking behind you, when you drove out of it, looked amazing.
So mysterious.
By the time I got to Ashburton last night I was feeling super sleepy, and the roads all got rather straight - which is not good timing at all. I made it home around 8 to light the fire and cook up some yummy soup.
today.... catch up on paper work.
Oh- Zippy would of course by my imaginary friend, who is stuck in the car as a permenent fixture now. Poor thing. And, well, Bungle is the car itself.
It was an interesting journey... not bad... not great... though Dunedin is growing on me. It was amazing driving down to Balclutha.... even just outside of Dunedin - the frost was so heavy... the trees looked gorgeous... the road was pretty icy in some parts... only managed to skid once, no doubt at the most inopportune moment in the whole trip, but survived - as did Bungle. I just loved the whole look when driving through the valleys.... the trees, covered in frost, had a pink hue about them which was gorgeous with the sky in the background. Of course... didn't see much of the sky blue, but when you caught it.... luscious.
Drove through lots of cloud up in the higher mountains.... between Roxborough and Alexandra, couldn't see much of anything, but looking behind you, when you drove out of it, looked amazing.
So mysterious.
By the time I got to Ashburton last night I was feeling super sleepy, and the roads all got rather straight - which is not good timing at all. I made it home around 8 to light the fire and cook up some yummy soup.
today.... catch up on paper work.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
side note...
I forgot.....
Mike got back... baring gifts......
the funny boy was sending me txts after I asked him to bring back perfume from duty free... as any real girl would.
He found the stuff in a market over there... and then wondered and worried if it was the real thing, would it smell ok?
He ends up buying the real stuff from duty free just in case.
It was the cutest thing to see him armed with all the smelley stuff...... he ended up getting a couple of different ones at the market... one smells like bananas. Figure they must use it to attract the monkeys into the markets for the tourists. All important part of an authentic holiday in Bali?!
It was very cool anyway.... sounded like he had a fantastic time over there... and is looking forward to his next holiday on the islands. Guess that may be where he heads instead of to the freezing Canada....
Tough choice.... not! hehe... but that's just me.
oh... was sent this one today.... it was similar to something I had read once before....
"Love is not about finding the right person, but about creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end."
Wise words.... the other one was something like
It's not about finding the perfect person, but about finding it within yourself to love the imperfect perfectly.
Mike got back... baring gifts......
the funny boy was sending me txts after I asked him to bring back perfume from duty free... as any real girl would.
He found the stuff in a market over there... and then wondered and worried if it was the real thing, would it smell ok?
He ends up buying the real stuff from duty free just in case.
It was the cutest thing to see him armed with all the smelley stuff...... he ended up getting a couple of different ones at the market... one smells like bananas. Figure they must use it to attract the monkeys into the markets for the tourists. All important part of an authentic holiday in Bali?!
It was very cool anyway.... sounded like he had a fantastic time over there... and is looking forward to his next holiday on the islands. Guess that may be where he heads instead of to the freezing Canada....
Tough choice.... not! hehe... but that's just me.
oh... was sent this one today.... it was similar to something I had read once before....
"Love is not about finding the right person, but about creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end."
Wise words.... the other one was something like
It's not about finding the perfect person, but about finding it within yourself to love the imperfect perfectly.
before I run off... again
I seem to be slightly flaky these days..... especially when it comes to sitting down to do a post.
I'm thinking about taking the old trusty laptop with me this week.... but whether or not I actually get it online is another question - whether it will be worth trying is another thing completely.
I still haven't packed... hehehe.... though I have got everything ready to go into the car. Let the fun begin! I'm not taking nearly as much "stuff" as I did last time. I can't see the point. So, taking some trusty favourites. :)
Been an interesting weekend... nothing mind blowing.... more revealing to me, myself and I. That, and I've been kinda sick in bed. Got some nasty cough thing going down. Joys. Caught up with old flatmate Catherine on Sat.... a bunch of the girls went out for brunch which was hillarious. Never know what kind of conversation you are going to have when in the company of those ones. We've all kinda said that there are no boundaries, which makes for zaninessssss... and of course, I'm sure I saw the people at the table behind us squirm!
That's not really the aim, but to talk about everything - that is. And all important to us.
The day before I had breakfast with E and Rae. Early start to the day.... after a late night with Jacx... talk about a social week! It's hard work catching up with everyone after you've been away for two weeks. I had kind of hoped that I would be on the west coast catching up with Benny - but thinking I may do thta on the way home this week instead. Although I really want to drive up through Lindis Pass.... If I can time it at sunset I will be super happy!! :) It's such an ever changing place, with the light just making the scenery. Wish I had a camera for this one.... might even find some snow?!
I don't think I've even written since the long weekend away.
Wellington was a blast in lots of ways....
I had a very swanky dinner with Shane, which was a nice surprise. Of course I felt revolting and kinda out of place after tramping around the city since early that morning.... buying a hat, cause man it was miserable weather! So... sporting some smelley clothes, sneakers, and hat hair... the perfect atire for such an event. Shane just laughed at me, and told me not to worry about it.
So.... good to catch up with him that night. and yummy food!!!
May have to take Mike along there one day - or just tell him where it is?!
Sunday was spent trapsing between churches, which was all fun and games... Shane's mum ended up in hospital that day, so didn't see him again.... hopefully she's doing all better now.
Instead - I lost my cell phone. Talk about nutter!
You suddenly feel very out of it - not having your main source of communication. No txts, no phone calls.... seemed to equal no love at that stage.
Anyway..... went for a cruise on the waterfront after church... which was awesome. Enjoyed getting out on the water. I had thought about going kayaking - but wasn't dressed for it, while the water was the most calm I'd seen it. Next time.
The boat was kinda cool.... and the scenery was nice.... I love just getting out on the water - and not having to do any work to be out there was all good.
Spent a couple of days wondering around Te Papa too. Got to see the exhibition which was the purpose of the whole exercise. YAY. some very cool drawings to check out there... and I did leave feeling cultured. hehehe.... I'm easily pleased.
Also inspired.
The rest of my time was spent wondering... soaking in the sights, smells and sounds....
I realised I don't spend a great deal of time in city centres. Christchurch kind of elludes me... there is no real need to go down there... so I don't. And yet, I hate malls... so where do I spend my time? On the hill I guess.
It was fun people watching.... and I did catch up with Sally for lunch on Monday which was brilliant. She's just gorgeous... and so great to spend some quick time with. We chatted away, found some good coffeee.... and yaked about Ains. Ains is wanting to head to Thailand with Sally next year... we just laughed about the idea. I don't know what Ains would do somewhere like that? between the 3 of us, we're all such different travelers. I told Sally I wouldn't be able to do it.... she understood....
Hey - I'm all for Canada anyway.... not thinking beyond Christmas.
Actually... need to get in touch with Nigel too... and find out what's going on with him. Last txt was just see you at Christmas.
I think Mike may have piked on that one... he's focused on buying the house, which is all good for him. Oh well, I guess. Should still catch up with Julie, Bethany and Sarah somewhere along the way, somehow?!
and then I guess stay with Nicky and Dave in Vancouver. I had better get in touch with Cairns and Feo to let them know I'll be there.
Enough prattle....... I'd better get things sorted here. The kitchen is a dump. as is my room. and I know I need sleep.
Let the emotional rollercoaster stop here.... I don't think I want to take it with me on this trip.
I'm thinking about taking the old trusty laptop with me this week.... but whether or not I actually get it online is another question - whether it will be worth trying is another thing completely.
I still haven't packed... hehehe.... though I have got everything ready to go into the car. Let the fun begin! I'm not taking nearly as much "stuff" as I did last time. I can't see the point. So, taking some trusty favourites. :)
Been an interesting weekend... nothing mind blowing.... more revealing to me, myself and I. That, and I've been kinda sick in bed. Got some nasty cough thing going down. Joys. Caught up with old flatmate Catherine on Sat.... a bunch of the girls went out for brunch which was hillarious. Never know what kind of conversation you are going to have when in the company of those ones. We've all kinda said that there are no boundaries, which makes for zaninessssss... and of course, I'm sure I saw the people at the table behind us squirm!
That's not really the aim, but to talk about everything - that is. And all important to us.
The day before I had breakfast with E and Rae. Early start to the day.... after a late night with Jacx... talk about a social week! It's hard work catching up with everyone after you've been away for two weeks. I had kind of hoped that I would be on the west coast catching up with Benny - but thinking I may do thta on the way home this week instead. Although I really want to drive up through Lindis Pass.... If I can time it at sunset I will be super happy!! :) It's such an ever changing place, with the light just making the scenery. Wish I had a camera for this one.... might even find some snow?!
I don't think I've even written since the long weekend away.
Wellington was a blast in lots of ways....
I had a very swanky dinner with Shane, which was a nice surprise. Of course I felt revolting and kinda out of place after tramping around the city since early that morning.... buying a hat, cause man it was miserable weather! So... sporting some smelley clothes, sneakers, and hat hair... the perfect atire for such an event. Shane just laughed at me, and told me not to worry about it.
So.... good to catch up with him that night. and yummy food!!!
May have to take Mike along there one day - or just tell him where it is?!
Sunday was spent trapsing between churches, which was all fun and games... Shane's mum ended up in hospital that day, so didn't see him again.... hopefully she's doing all better now.
Instead - I lost my cell phone. Talk about nutter!
You suddenly feel very out of it - not having your main source of communication. No txts, no phone calls.... seemed to equal no love at that stage.
Anyway..... went for a cruise on the waterfront after church... which was awesome. Enjoyed getting out on the water. I had thought about going kayaking - but wasn't dressed for it, while the water was the most calm I'd seen it. Next time.
The boat was kinda cool.... and the scenery was nice.... I love just getting out on the water - and not having to do any work to be out there was all good.
Spent a couple of days wondering around Te Papa too. Got to see the exhibition which was the purpose of the whole exercise. YAY. some very cool drawings to check out there... and I did leave feeling cultured. hehehe.... I'm easily pleased.
Also inspired.
The rest of my time was spent wondering... soaking in the sights, smells and sounds....
I realised I don't spend a great deal of time in city centres. Christchurch kind of elludes me... there is no real need to go down there... so I don't. And yet, I hate malls... so where do I spend my time? On the hill I guess.
It was fun people watching.... and I did catch up with Sally for lunch on Monday which was brilliant. She's just gorgeous... and so great to spend some quick time with. We chatted away, found some good coffeee.... and yaked about Ains. Ains is wanting to head to Thailand with Sally next year... we just laughed about the idea. I don't know what Ains would do somewhere like that? between the 3 of us, we're all such different travelers. I told Sally I wouldn't be able to do it.... she understood....
Hey - I'm all for Canada anyway.... not thinking beyond Christmas.
Actually... need to get in touch with Nigel too... and find out what's going on with him. Last txt was just see you at Christmas.
I think Mike may have piked on that one... he's focused on buying the house, which is all good for him. Oh well, I guess. Should still catch up with Julie, Bethany and Sarah somewhere along the way, somehow?!
and then I guess stay with Nicky and Dave in Vancouver. I had better get in touch with Cairns and Feo to let them know I'll be there.
Enough prattle....... I'd better get things sorted here. The kitchen is a dump. as is my room. and I know I need sleep.
Let the emotional rollercoaster stop here.... I don't think I want to take it with me on this trip.
Monday, May 30, 2005
star light.... star bright
so the first star I see tonight.......
Do I believe in wishes coming true? wishing on stars.....
Need to go and pack for my flight to Wellington tomorrow - early no less. :) Figure I'll just drive to the airport myself and leave the car there. Easier than sorting out rides. (In my head, anyway!)
But oh, what to take? hehehe. Actually - it's more a matter of getting all my work together to take up there, which will weigh way more than my clothes. Sad, really.
Jackie is taking off to Vietnam this weekend, and is super excited about it all. Excellent stuff! She's gone for two weeks, and is so looking forward to the adventures. Sounds like she's pretty much got it all planned.
I need to go and sniff around perfumes to see which one to get duty free. YAY! Haven't splurged on something like that in so long. Ains cracks me up with her fancyfree ways.... I told her she would have to teach me in the ways of "makeup" one of these days... when I feel the need to be all serious about the fact that I may have wrinkles, and what I should actually be doing about them?! She's a real girl - and I can but try.
Though.... I like the lines in old people... I figure as long as I laugh enough, they will be the right kind of wrinkles... in all the right places. :)
Anyway.... I'm in awe of the two flatmates..... and how we seem to blend so well, when we are all so different. They were beautiful yesterday... and I do feel blessed knowing that I have that support. We all ran off to see Bride and Prejudice, and left the movie theatre in fits of laughter - while trying to figure out all the gorgeous moves. Inspired me to head over there soon though! The colours, and sounds, and beauty - while still being a poor country. It's like an oxymoron.
But then there are so many countries like that. So many places to visit and experience! ahhhhhh.... enough dreaming.
For now, wellington will have to do. hahaha
Would love to find time to run to Te Papa to see the art exhibition. That's the one thing that is actually motivating me to still go up there. Insane, really. We shall see! :)
Right - packing.
night
Do I believe in wishes coming true? wishing on stars.....
Need to go and pack for my flight to Wellington tomorrow - early no less. :) Figure I'll just drive to the airport myself and leave the car there. Easier than sorting out rides. (In my head, anyway!)
But oh, what to take? hehehe. Actually - it's more a matter of getting all my work together to take up there, which will weigh way more than my clothes. Sad, really.
Jackie is taking off to Vietnam this weekend, and is super excited about it all. Excellent stuff! She's gone for two weeks, and is so looking forward to the adventures. Sounds like she's pretty much got it all planned.
I need to go and sniff around perfumes to see which one to get duty free. YAY! Haven't splurged on something like that in so long. Ains cracks me up with her fancyfree ways.... I told her she would have to teach me in the ways of "makeup" one of these days... when I feel the need to be all serious about the fact that I may have wrinkles, and what I should actually be doing about them?! She's a real girl - and I can but try.
Though.... I like the lines in old people... I figure as long as I laugh enough, they will be the right kind of wrinkles... in all the right places. :)
Anyway.... I'm in awe of the two flatmates..... and how we seem to blend so well, when we are all so different. They were beautiful yesterday... and I do feel blessed knowing that I have that support. We all ran off to see Bride and Prejudice, and left the movie theatre in fits of laughter - while trying to figure out all the gorgeous moves. Inspired me to head over there soon though! The colours, and sounds, and beauty - while still being a poor country. It's like an oxymoron.
But then there are so many countries like that. So many places to visit and experience! ahhhhhh.... enough dreaming.
For now, wellington will have to do. hahaha
Would love to find time to run to Te Papa to see the art exhibition. That's the one thing that is actually motivating me to still go up there. Insane, really. We shall see! :)
Right - packing.
night
Sunday, May 29, 2005
pounding.....
what a day.....
I woke up and found a friend online when I jumped onto the computer.... Julie and I have been chatting alot lately, which is always super cool. Not only cause I appreciate her sound advice, and the fact that she is always more than real with me - but I get to hear her accent too! hehehe.
Seriously... I didn't get to talk to her today because I was already chatting to a long lost friend who used to live here, but has moved to London now. It was all kinda nuts, cause I was trying to talk to a friend of a friends - but she ended up being at the house. Nice surprise. :)
From there, I managed to get myself out the door to church - knowing full well that I was not in a great space yet, but needed to be there. I think I only went because I had to take Ain's salad and a present for Les. I managed to make it through most of the praise and worship before I felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes.
Then it was all over, rover.
I stood there, eyes firmly closed - wondering if that would stop then from cascading down my cheeks? Who was I kiding?!
I think I managed to mostly regain my composure - as much as I ever have, and when it came time for the kids to leave for their classes I did what any twisted, gut wrenched person would do. I bolted!
I felt stiffled, and unable to breathe while I was inside - knowing full well it was all me and my mind, but all I could think about was getting out and heading to the beach. I wanted to pound my way up the long beach.... have the air blow my hair around.... and just have the space to scream if I wanted.
I got to the beach.... sunbeams galour. There were even somes guys out there surfing.... the waves doing some serious crashing around them. I'd gone home to change my shoes and grab my down jacket. So, bundled up, and then headed out. The wind is always quite chilly out there... but it felt good. Almost had a numbing effect on me. I jumped and thuded and let loose on the sand, while thinking inside.... what on earth is going on?!
I wish I had the answers, and the ability to actual describe the feelings which are rampaging their way through so many twists and turns - but I don't.
It felt good to be out there... and I know that I needed that time to myself to get alot of it out of my system.
I eventually came home - knowing full well I was going to have to face Jacx and the phone call which I so wanted to avoid. Avoid it, I did for a while..... the phone would ring, and I just switched it off. terrible, and immature - I'm fully aware of it all..... but I knew the questions, and didn't know the answers, so felt it was all a little pointless. We would both get frustrated.
Eventually - Jackie came home, and she ended up answering the phone. DRAT!
hehehe.... childish - yes!
So, I couldn't hide anymore.
Still... it was just as I imagined. I didn't know what to tell her. I don't have the answers yet...
I wish I could snap my fingers and go.... ahhhhhh, so that's what all this is about, but I can't!
I want to blame someone, or something - but I can't.
It boils down, pretty much to a rejection that just won't go away and leave me alone. As hard as I try to be positive, and accepting of myself.... it boils down to a hate that seems to be deeper than I can just pick out of my life. It's burrowed so far down into my very being that I don't even know where to start in getting rid of it. I hate myself. And while it sounds stupid, selfish, and so totally self absorbed - it's not even something I want to think about..... I just loathe me.
Tough when everywhere you go, there you are.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I know it's not who I am, but I can't seem to shake it. It's exhausting, and childish, and lonely. But trying to explain it makes me feel even more stupid.
On that note....
I think I can go crawl into my hole now.
Ka kite
I woke up and found a friend online when I jumped onto the computer.... Julie and I have been chatting alot lately, which is always super cool. Not only cause I appreciate her sound advice, and the fact that she is always more than real with me - but I get to hear her accent too! hehehe.
Seriously... I didn't get to talk to her today because I was already chatting to a long lost friend who used to live here, but has moved to London now. It was all kinda nuts, cause I was trying to talk to a friend of a friends - but she ended up being at the house. Nice surprise. :)
From there, I managed to get myself out the door to church - knowing full well that I was not in a great space yet, but needed to be there. I think I only went because I had to take Ain's salad and a present for Les. I managed to make it through most of the praise and worship before I felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes.
Then it was all over, rover.
I stood there, eyes firmly closed - wondering if that would stop then from cascading down my cheeks? Who was I kiding?!
I think I managed to mostly regain my composure - as much as I ever have, and when it came time for the kids to leave for their classes I did what any twisted, gut wrenched person would do. I bolted!
I felt stiffled, and unable to breathe while I was inside - knowing full well it was all me and my mind, but all I could think about was getting out and heading to the beach. I wanted to pound my way up the long beach.... have the air blow my hair around.... and just have the space to scream if I wanted.
I got to the beach.... sunbeams galour. There were even somes guys out there surfing.... the waves doing some serious crashing around them. I'd gone home to change my shoes and grab my down jacket. So, bundled up, and then headed out. The wind is always quite chilly out there... but it felt good. Almost had a numbing effect on me. I jumped and thuded and let loose on the sand, while thinking inside.... what on earth is going on?!
I wish I had the answers, and the ability to actual describe the feelings which are rampaging their way through so many twists and turns - but I don't.
It felt good to be out there... and I know that I needed that time to myself to get alot of it out of my system.
I eventually came home - knowing full well I was going to have to face Jacx and the phone call which I so wanted to avoid. Avoid it, I did for a while..... the phone would ring, and I just switched it off. terrible, and immature - I'm fully aware of it all..... but I knew the questions, and didn't know the answers, so felt it was all a little pointless. We would both get frustrated.
Eventually - Jackie came home, and she ended up answering the phone. DRAT!
hehehe.... childish - yes!
So, I couldn't hide anymore.
Still... it was just as I imagined. I didn't know what to tell her. I don't have the answers yet...
I wish I could snap my fingers and go.... ahhhhhh, so that's what all this is about, but I can't!
I want to blame someone, or something - but I can't.
It boils down, pretty much to a rejection that just won't go away and leave me alone. As hard as I try to be positive, and accepting of myself.... it boils down to a hate that seems to be deeper than I can just pick out of my life. It's burrowed so far down into my very being that I don't even know where to start in getting rid of it. I hate myself. And while it sounds stupid, selfish, and so totally self absorbed - it's not even something I want to think about..... I just loathe me.
Tough when everywhere you go, there you are.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I know it's not who I am, but I can't seem to shake it. It's exhausting, and childish, and lonely. But trying to explain it makes me feel even more stupid.
On that note....
I think I can go crawl into my hole now.
Ka kite
Saturday, May 28, 2005
home again, with head exploding....
It always takes a while for me to get my head around being back home. It's always with such relief that I lay my head on my own pillow, that I snuggle down beneath the sheets that cover the plush wool underlay that I sink into to sleep a deep sleep......
Nowhere will beat my room, with my comforts which may to some be simple.
This trip did err on the side of social. Had the most stunning drive up the coast to Kaikoura, onto Blenheim which was all lovely. Even got to sink into a spa bath on the first night - which was lovely. Onto Nelson the following day. They were all rather full days, with driving through little towns which proved less than useful, but still rather nice to stumble across.
Stayed with some friends in Nelson that I hadn't seen since Tamati's wedding. Was great to catch up with Jill. John was asking me all the hard questions - my 5 year plan, and how I'm going to get there. While Jill is just super encouraging. Had a great time there. The next night Mike flew down, and so we stayed out there... but didn't spend as much time with them. Even got to see Jill's father who I haven't seen in YONKS! Thursday and Friday were spent again checking out the smaller places to see if there was anything out there. By Thursday night I was totally zonked. We made it to Maruia Springs where the hot springs were the perfect end to the day of galavanting around the country side.
made it back yesterday to watch Star Wars. Even managed to stay awake through the whole thing - though my eyes did get very heavy at one stage. I think I actually found it funnier than I should have. hehehe. Still, can see how it all ties in nicely with the next one now. Still don't think George Lucas should ever be allowed to try and do a love scene. Just not a good combination!
So.... Mike survived the driving around, and we didn't kill eachother. Was awesome to catch up with him and just be. I guess thats one of the things I appreciate most about him - is the fact that I don't need to be anyone else. While I still struggle to let go of everything, and somehow the fear of getting hurt (while I don't even know how I could get hurt) does throw me over the edge of reason, he's the one I most want to talk to about things. The one who won't be afriad of asking me the bigger questions, making me think about it from all angles. Paranio seems to be my friend, which is not typical, and not a nice thing to suddenly realise you are experiencing. Julie just laughs at me and my insane ways. But can I expect people to be patient and put up with it all?
Off to catch up with jacx shortly. Pumpkin soup has been made, and will be nice to see her. Turns out she had a dream about me last night - which tied in with everything I told her today. Bummer she had no answers for me though.
Catching up with Erin later today, and then tonight Tim and Euganie are coming round for dinner and a game of something? Will be great to catch up with them both. Feel like I hardly see them these days.
Next week is more madness..... Wellington for a couple of days - and was supposed to be flying up for Queensbirthday, but thinking it makes more sense to leave that one till later on. Eevryone I could catch up with is busy doing other things, and while a weekend away is never a bad thing, in my current state of mind, being given the space to spend all that time on my own thinking - can't be good!
Oh - officially an aunty today too..... Tawhi was born around 5 this morning. YAY! So, in theory, I should really be flying north to see them instead! Tamati is super excited, and says he's just BEAUTIFUL! :)
Really need to get a camera now, so I can get snap happy!
Adios
Nowhere will beat my room, with my comforts which may to some be simple.
This trip did err on the side of social. Had the most stunning drive up the coast to Kaikoura, onto Blenheim which was all lovely. Even got to sink into a spa bath on the first night - which was lovely. Onto Nelson the following day. They were all rather full days, with driving through little towns which proved less than useful, but still rather nice to stumble across.
Stayed with some friends in Nelson that I hadn't seen since Tamati's wedding. Was great to catch up with Jill. John was asking me all the hard questions - my 5 year plan, and how I'm going to get there. While Jill is just super encouraging. Had a great time there. The next night Mike flew down, and so we stayed out there... but didn't spend as much time with them. Even got to see Jill's father who I haven't seen in YONKS! Thursday and Friday were spent again checking out the smaller places to see if there was anything out there. By Thursday night I was totally zonked. We made it to Maruia Springs where the hot springs were the perfect end to the day of galavanting around the country side.
made it back yesterday to watch Star Wars. Even managed to stay awake through the whole thing - though my eyes did get very heavy at one stage. I think I actually found it funnier than I should have. hehehe. Still, can see how it all ties in nicely with the next one now. Still don't think George Lucas should ever be allowed to try and do a love scene. Just not a good combination!
So.... Mike survived the driving around, and we didn't kill eachother. Was awesome to catch up with him and just be. I guess thats one of the things I appreciate most about him - is the fact that I don't need to be anyone else. While I still struggle to let go of everything, and somehow the fear of getting hurt (while I don't even know how I could get hurt) does throw me over the edge of reason, he's the one I most want to talk to about things. The one who won't be afriad of asking me the bigger questions, making me think about it from all angles. Paranio seems to be my friend, which is not typical, and not a nice thing to suddenly realise you are experiencing. Julie just laughs at me and my insane ways. But can I expect people to be patient and put up with it all?
Off to catch up with jacx shortly. Pumpkin soup has been made, and will be nice to see her. Turns out she had a dream about me last night - which tied in with everything I told her today. Bummer she had no answers for me though.
Catching up with Erin later today, and then tonight Tim and Euganie are coming round for dinner and a game of something? Will be great to catch up with them both. Feel like I hardly see them these days.
Next week is more madness..... Wellington for a couple of days - and was supposed to be flying up for Queensbirthday, but thinking it makes more sense to leave that one till later on. Eevryone I could catch up with is busy doing other things, and while a weekend away is never a bad thing, in my current state of mind, being given the space to spend all that time on my own thinking - can't be good!
Oh - officially an aunty today too..... Tawhi was born around 5 this morning. YAY! So, in theory, I should really be flying north to see them instead! Tamati is super excited, and says he's just BEAUTIFUL! :)
Really need to get a camera now, so I can get snap happy!
Adios
Monday, May 16, 2005
back in the land
Where to even start on this one?
Last week was a HUGE week..... driving around the South. What awesome country side, and what a perfect time of year for me to get to see it all. The colours just blew me away..... you could see exactly what Graeme Sydney saw when he was painting some of his gorgeous scenes. Inspired all sorts of thoughts and feelings. I wished that I had brought along a camera. Can't wait to get snap happy again soon! :)
I actually had a quick look at a few cameras today. I'm so torn between the super trusty slr and getting a digital - which yes, could be an slr, but just doesn't feel right. (or sound right for that matter! lol) I still like playing around with film, but maybe it's just me being set in my ways. I mean, I can play around with developing - but way more difficult, and time consuming, and money draining to have to set up a dark room, when there are so many different programmes out there for the computer. Tough one.
So.. it was another week of battling the huge learning curve that will one day become comfortable. Might even have a clue about what I'm supposed to be doing?! One can hope.
I spent the first 2 days with my current boss, which at first freaked me out, turned out to be fantastic! Certainly gave me a boost, and helped me to find my feet. I've felt as though all my confidence fled when I started the job... and it's been pretty awful. I can't begin to explain it all, when I can't quite get my head around it myself. The weekend before I went was full of craziness, and just left me feeling exhausted, and worn out - to then take off and be on my own was a little more than I wanted to deal with at the time, but through everything you learn and grow.
When I talked to benny on Wednesday, he asked how I was coping with being on my own, and I had to confess to him that I had created an imaginary friend - "Zippy" who had been doing a good job of keeping me company - though he's a little more quiet than I would perhaps have wanted in a friend. :) Needless to say, I was relieved when ben declared he was coming up to Christchurch on Friday, and so, he droped off his car at Judy's in Geraldine and we drove up late on Friday. Was nice to have some company for just those couple of hours. Good chance to really catch up with someone... and it would seem alot is going on for him these days.
Had a hillarious night in Queenstown on Thursday night with him and Margo. Cooked up some pasta, after grabing some dvds. Took us ages to pick out something - and that was without Margo. All we knew was that the one movie we both wanted to see, she refused to watch. lol Ended up getting out a Kiwi flick and a brit one. Kiwi was quite sad - not what I expected at all.... but the other one.... we just rolled around in laughter. Was super crazy and funny... and I obviously in the mood for insane. Nothing like a night of madness to get you out of the slumps.
The weekend was one of solitude.... or a "deep funk" as someone once called it. I did get to catch up with miss julie, and that was hillarious. We are so alike. Probably a good thing that we're on the other side of the world from eachother.... we would get into way too much mischief. I do miss her though. She's supposed to be catching up with us in Canada for Christmas or New Years? Will be fantastic to see her again. Did find an amazingly cheap flight from LA to NZ, alas... I don't know anyone who can drop everything for a holiday.
Meanwhile... Nig is all go for Christmas too. Will be sooooo good to see him! Haven't heard much from him lately. Not sure when his parents are heading over there... next couple of months. He's only got a couple of months left at school - and then I think he may head down to South America for a while? Hard to keep track of that one. Was trying to figure out how to catch up with Bex over there too. Could turn into quite the catch up session.... wohooooo! :) It is pretty great having friends all over the world - but even better to catch up with them all!
Wow.... I'm just in babble mode. absolute randomness.... I must be tired.
better end it there, before I get carried away.
Thinking about running away to Hanmer for Friday night. Would be good to catch up with Greg, and get away from the city. hehe. Jacx is worried that I'm avoiding the world, and people... I'm not sure that I'm avoiding people.... just keeping to myself more. while I try and process the things that are getting dredged up right now. Funny the way we grow up.
into the night.....
Last week was a HUGE week..... driving around the South. What awesome country side, and what a perfect time of year for me to get to see it all. The colours just blew me away..... you could see exactly what Graeme Sydney saw when he was painting some of his gorgeous scenes. Inspired all sorts of thoughts and feelings. I wished that I had brought along a camera. Can't wait to get snap happy again soon! :)
I actually had a quick look at a few cameras today. I'm so torn between the super trusty slr and getting a digital - which yes, could be an slr, but just doesn't feel right. (or sound right for that matter! lol) I still like playing around with film, but maybe it's just me being set in my ways. I mean, I can play around with developing - but way more difficult, and time consuming, and money draining to have to set up a dark room, when there are so many different programmes out there for the computer. Tough one.
So.. it was another week of battling the huge learning curve that will one day become comfortable. Might even have a clue about what I'm supposed to be doing?! One can hope.
I spent the first 2 days with my current boss, which at first freaked me out, turned out to be fantastic! Certainly gave me a boost, and helped me to find my feet. I've felt as though all my confidence fled when I started the job... and it's been pretty awful. I can't begin to explain it all, when I can't quite get my head around it myself. The weekend before I went was full of craziness, and just left me feeling exhausted, and worn out - to then take off and be on my own was a little more than I wanted to deal with at the time, but through everything you learn and grow.
When I talked to benny on Wednesday, he asked how I was coping with being on my own, and I had to confess to him that I had created an imaginary friend - "Zippy" who had been doing a good job of keeping me company - though he's a little more quiet than I would perhaps have wanted in a friend. :) Needless to say, I was relieved when ben declared he was coming up to Christchurch on Friday, and so, he droped off his car at Judy's in Geraldine and we drove up late on Friday. Was nice to have some company for just those couple of hours. Good chance to really catch up with someone... and it would seem alot is going on for him these days.
Had a hillarious night in Queenstown on Thursday night with him and Margo. Cooked up some pasta, after grabing some dvds. Took us ages to pick out something - and that was without Margo. All we knew was that the one movie we both wanted to see, she refused to watch. lol Ended up getting out a Kiwi flick and a brit one. Kiwi was quite sad - not what I expected at all.... but the other one.... we just rolled around in laughter. Was super crazy and funny... and I obviously in the mood for insane. Nothing like a night of madness to get you out of the slumps.
The weekend was one of solitude.... or a "deep funk" as someone once called it. I did get to catch up with miss julie, and that was hillarious. We are so alike. Probably a good thing that we're on the other side of the world from eachother.... we would get into way too much mischief. I do miss her though. She's supposed to be catching up with us in Canada for Christmas or New Years? Will be fantastic to see her again. Did find an amazingly cheap flight from LA to NZ, alas... I don't know anyone who can drop everything for a holiday.
Meanwhile... Nig is all go for Christmas too. Will be sooooo good to see him! Haven't heard much from him lately. Not sure when his parents are heading over there... next couple of months. He's only got a couple of months left at school - and then I think he may head down to South America for a while? Hard to keep track of that one. Was trying to figure out how to catch up with Bex over there too. Could turn into quite the catch up session.... wohooooo! :) It is pretty great having friends all over the world - but even better to catch up with them all!
Wow.... I'm just in babble mode. absolute randomness.... I must be tired.
better end it there, before I get carried away.
Thinking about running away to Hanmer for Friday night. Would be good to catch up with Greg, and get away from the city. hehe. Jacx is worried that I'm avoiding the world, and people... I'm not sure that I'm avoiding people.... just keeping to myself more. while I try and process the things that are getting dredged up right now. Funny the way we grow up.
into the night.....
Friday, May 06, 2005
Survival
First week done.... huge sigh of relief.
For some reason my brain is somewhat detached from reality. I figured that since everyone loved me in my last job, and everyone wanted to talk to me there - I would just be transfering my loveliness to the new job, and of course meeting awhole lot of new people, who would instantly go WOW, of course we want to talk to you.
So - my head is much smaller, and my ego took a dive. :)
It turns out people don't like me any more, and I'm really going to have to prove my worth. However, things are looking up, and I am getting over the ego thing!
I take off on Monday for a big adventure! Super exciting stuff. I have appointment everywhere, which is pretty cool... get to meet Miss M in Timaru, which is awesome. Picking up my new semi boss for the next 3 months from the airport just after 9, and then we're off. I didn't know what to do about accomodation, so just going with the flow. Insane, perhaps. Could I end up sleeping in the back of the car.... exciting adventure awaits! :) (Sore back to boot?!)
Ahhhh... exciting times lie in wait.... for exciting people to catch a whiff of the breeze that blows...
autumn tones.....
and the crunching underfoot. it gets louder as the seasons change, and the passing of time catches up with the world....
and I dream.
Whistful.
For some reason my brain is somewhat detached from reality. I figured that since everyone loved me in my last job, and everyone wanted to talk to me there - I would just be transfering my loveliness to the new job, and of course meeting awhole lot of new people, who would instantly go WOW, of course we want to talk to you.
So - my head is much smaller, and my ego took a dive. :)
It turns out people don't like me any more, and I'm really going to have to prove my worth. However, things are looking up, and I am getting over the ego thing!
I take off on Monday for a big adventure! Super exciting stuff. I have appointment everywhere, which is pretty cool... get to meet Miss M in Timaru, which is awesome. Picking up my new semi boss for the next 3 months from the airport just after 9, and then we're off. I didn't know what to do about accomodation, so just going with the flow. Insane, perhaps. Could I end up sleeping in the back of the car.... exciting adventure awaits! :) (Sore back to boot?!)
Ahhhh... exciting times lie in wait.... for exciting people to catch a whiff of the breeze that blows...
autumn tones.....
and the crunching underfoot. it gets louder as the seasons change, and the passing of time catches up with the world....
and I dream.
Whistful.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
overwhelmed....
Back from wellington, and just feeling wowed.
What have I gotten myself into?
I arrived in Wellington mid Morning and was picked up by one of the office girls - who was sweet. It was a quiet trip to the office though, which did little for my nerves.
No problem... I enjoyed the scenery - always one to take in everything I can. I just loved driving around the hills..... it's quite beautiful.
Once at the office, I finally got to meet Sonia who I've spent a great deal of time hassling over the phone in my old job. She's always been a huge help, so it was nice to finally meet her. My boss was there in one of the offices, so expected him to do the training with me, but it ended up being done by the office manager - which was fine and dandy. Of course, it then all comes out. My boss has just handed in his resignation, and it's all over that day! He pulled me aside later that morning to assure me that it had nothing to do with the company, and was all due to personal issues back in Australia. He was still very excited about where the company was going, and was convinced that I would do a fantastic job. So, after all my talking with him about how I was more interested in having a job where I was going to be given alot of support, and training - my support walks out the door that afternoon!
I'm still gutted! and blown away!
I don't think anyone has been hired to take on the Auckland region yet, and now they need someone to take over his job too. Crazy stuff.
How do I end up in these situations. Again, the idea that I need more character springs to mind. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???
HAVE I NOT GOT ENOUGH???
I want to be a 3 year old who doesn't know well enough to not just throw a temper tantrum when things seem so totally incomprehensable.
I know it's not that bad - and at the same time I just laugh. I will be ok, and I will figure it all out. I just thought this was going to be slightly smoother sailing?! :) hahaha
Meanwhile - things to get used to - I realise how much free reign I honestly had at the old job. Totally..... and it's going to take some getting used - reporting back in a more formal setting, instead of just yelling down the hallway as John walks past, as to what is going on. I'm going to miss that, as it really is more my scene - but I understand the importance of this too, and the fact that I'll just be learning the organised way - which is all good!
So... all that aside....
I've got a COOL NEW CAR! :)
Yeah - that's what it comes down to now. Poor Miss Molly is going to feel a little neglected for a while. This one certainly lacks her character, but it will be sweet to drive around the country side!
From next week I'm all over the place. It's going to be a very full on weekend. Head south, and don't get back until the middle of the next week. Have two full days here, and then the following Monday - head North. Going to see if I can spend that weekend in Hanmer with Greg on the way back?! The middle weekend in Queenstown with Benny?
YAY.... to see all the South Island. Now, all I need is a camera to capture the moments. Rach wants me to document all the public toilets and create a super comprehensive map for them all. Reminds me - must get good map of south island tomorrow. YAY!
Had dinner with Shane on Monday night too.... added bonus of being up there. Was awesome to catch up with him! :) Just very easy conversation, and good company. Don't think the wine did any talking either.
Right....... sleep..... sleep.... sleep....sleep
What have I gotten myself into?
I arrived in Wellington mid Morning and was picked up by one of the office girls - who was sweet. It was a quiet trip to the office though, which did little for my nerves.
No problem... I enjoyed the scenery - always one to take in everything I can. I just loved driving around the hills..... it's quite beautiful.
Once at the office, I finally got to meet Sonia who I've spent a great deal of time hassling over the phone in my old job. She's always been a huge help, so it was nice to finally meet her. My boss was there in one of the offices, so expected him to do the training with me, but it ended up being done by the office manager - which was fine and dandy. Of course, it then all comes out. My boss has just handed in his resignation, and it's all over that day! He pulled me aside later that morning to assure me that it had nothing to do with the company, and was all due to personal issues back in Australia. He was still very excited about where the company was going, and was convinced that I would do a fantastic job. So, after all my talking with him about how I was more interested in having a job where I was going to be given alot of support, and training - my support walks out the door that afternoon!
I'm still gutted! and blown away!
I don't think anyone has been hired to take on the Auckland region yet, and now they need someone to take over his job too. Crazy stuff.
How do I end up in these situations. Again, the idea that I need more character springs to mind. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???
HAVE I NOT GOT ENOUGH???
I want to be a 3 year old who doesn't know well enough to not just throw a temper tantrum when things seem so totally incomprehensable.
I know it's not that bad - and at the same time I just laugh. I will be ok, and I will figure it all out. I just thought this was going to be slightly smoother sailing?! :) hahaha
Meanwhile - things to get used to - I realise how much free reign I honestly had at the old job. Totally..... and it's going to take some getting used - reporting back in a more formal setting, instead of just yelling down the hallway as John walks past, as to what is going on. I'm going to miss that, as it really is more my scene - but I understand the importance of this too, and the fact that I'll just be learning the organised way - which is all good!
So... all that aside....
I've got a COOL NEW CAR! :)
Yeah - that's what it comes down to now. Poor Miss Molly is going to feel a little neglected for a while. This one certainly lacks her character, but it will be sweet to drive around the country side!
From next week I'm all over the place. It's going to be a very full on weekend. Head south, and don't get back until the middle of the next week. Have two full days here, and then the following Monday - head North. Going to see if I can spend that weekend in Hanmer with Greg on the way back?! The middle weekend in Queenstown with Benny?
YAY.... to see all the South Island. Now, all I need is a camera to capture the moments. Rach wants me to document all the public toilets and create a super comprehensive map for them all. Reminds me - must get good map of south island tomorrow. YAY!
Had dinner with Shane on Monday night too.... added bonus of being up there. Was awesome to catch up with him! :) Just very easy conversation, and good company. Don't think the wine did any talking either.
Right....... sleep..... sleep.... sleep....sleep
Sunday, May 01, 2005
big day
Fly up to Wellington tomorrow.... after a super busy weekend. I've been running around trying to get silly things done before starting the new job. And of course, as I sit here I remember things I didn't get done.
They can wait.
Did get to have a good ol'catch up with Jacx on Saturday morning. We headed out for breakfast. Saturday is normally up on the hill with flatmate Jackie - but she had a wedding to go to, and Jacx and I had been trying to catch up for ages now. Very relaxing morning... headed for the book store after good coffee, and then went to check out the art centre. Hadn't wandered around there in ages, and there are always cool things to check out at the different stands. Was a gorgeous sunny day, and just one that made indulging a slowness and mellow mode easy. :)
Got hom to a pile of laundry and a room that just wasn't terribly inviting. I don't like to begin something knowing that I'm leaving a mess to bug me, so had to fix that today. actually... I went shopping yesterday afternoon. Not sure what came over me. I wanted to find some material to do some sweing, but didn't even make it into the right shop. Got slightly side travked with coats.... winter and all I needed to look. Actually.... walked out with more than a coat - but all needed for the new job. REALLY!
For someone who doesn't enjoy shopping, I did pretty well.
Fly out just after 10 in the morning... mostly packed and ready for anything.... it's been zanny figuring out what to wear - for me, who normally just doesn't give these things a whole lot of thought - I just like being comfortable.
Not good enough according to the beloved friends.
Then there is the whole catching up with Shane thing. YAY! Finally. Of course - I'm the one who has to go up there. Typical.
In many ways the guy reminds me of benny. Can that be good? hahaha
shall report on the madness when I return on Tuesday.... after I go and pick up the new car, and swing by to see John - who is dying to know what I'll be touring around the country in. HAHAHA
That, and he can't wait to talk to me about all the jobs he needs to finish for me! :)
Mad man... is going to go more crazy.
Adios
They can wait.
Did get to have a good ol'catch up with Jacx on Saturday morning. We headed out for breakfast. Saturday is normally up on the hill with flatmate Jackie - but she had a wedding to go to, and Jacx and I had been trying to catch up for ages now. Very relaxing morning... headed for the book store after good coffee, and then went to check out the art centre. Hadn't wandered around there in ages, and there are always cool things to check out at the different stands. Was a gorgeous sunny day, and just one that made indulging a slowness and mellow mode easy. :)
Got hom to a pile of laundry and a room that just wasn't terribly inviting. I don't like to begin something knowing that I'm leaving a mess to bug me, so had to fix that today. actually... I went shopping yesterday afternoon. Not sure what came over me. I wanted to find some material to do some sweing, but didn't even make it into the right shop. Got slightly side travked with coats.... winter and all I needed to look. Actually.... walked out with more than a coat - but all needed for the new job. REALLY!
For someone who doesn't enjoy shopping, I did pretty well.
Fly out just after 10 in the morning... mostly packed and ready for anything.... it's been zanny figuring out what to wear - for me, who normally just doesn't give these things a whole lot of thought - I just like being comfortable.
Not good enough according to the beloved friends.
Then there is the whole catching up with Shane thing. YAY! Finally. Of course - I'm the one who has to go up there. Typical.
In many ways the guy reminds me of benny. Can that be good? hahaha
shall report on the madness when I return on Tuesday.... after I go and pick up the new car, and swing by to see John - who is dying to know what I'll be touring around the country in. HAHAHA
That, and he can't wait to talk to me about all the jobs he needs to finish for me! :)
Mad man... is going to go more crazy.
Adios
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
last tuesday.....
So - the phoneless day was a dream... so far from reality!
I got to work after the morning at the course, which was really good. Watched some good ol'fish throwing at some fish shop in Seattle, which was inspiring - though hardly makes sense in this context. :)
Caught up with Benny last night. We went and caught a cute little French Canadian flick about some tiny fishing village that needed to convince a Dr to move there in order to get a factory built. It was gorgeous.
Was nice to just hang out with Ben, and hear what he's been upto, and what he wants to do with the rest of the year. :) I hadn't realised that it had been so long since I'd last seen him. AGES! Still.... that's the way it goes. He's heading back up for a med. course in a couple of weeks, and staying here - though he had nothing but horrible things to say about my snoring! I was super tired..... which is when I'm more likely than ever to snore away... but still. It wasn't like I did it on purpose! poor guy looked so tired when he called into my office this afternoon. So - guess we'll just leave the futon out in the living room, and not bother bringing it into my room.... he'll just have to get used to the fridge making noise, and being woken up early by me. :) It's only a week - and I may be out of town for some of the week anyway.
I haven't heard anything from the new boss.... maybe tomorrow. Would be nice to know whether he wants me down here, or up in Wellington before next week. Wait and see. They did the internal email advertising my job today. they are actually thinking about the job description this time round, and getting the contract organised. wohoooo... still... I'm actually kind of worried about the person that will be taking over my job. That - and super protective of my clients. I want to know that they will be looked after alright!
Doesn't look like I'll get any time to show them the ropes - John will have to do it all. I just need to get my office organised, and all my stuff out of there.
I am still kind of sad about leaving. Had to tell a few more of my clients that I was leaving today. Nice to know I'll be missed... for a few days. :)
Anyway.... another late night... more snooring... no wonder I wake up so tired. yawned all through this morning and tonights lectures.
And I have band tomorrow.
Ciao
I got to work after the morning at the course, which was really good. Watched some good ol'fish throwing at some fish shop in Seattle, which was inspiring - though hardly makes sense in this context. :)
Caught up with Benny last night. We went and caught a cute little French Canadian flick about some tiny fishing village that needed to convince a Dr to move there in order to get a factory built. It was gorgeous.
Was nice to just hang out with Ben, and hear what he's been upto, and what he wants to do with the rest of the year. :) I hadn't realised that it had been so long since I'd last seen him. AGES! Still.... that's the way it goes. He's heading back up for a med. course in a couple of weeks, and staying here - though he had nothing but horrible things to say about my snoring! I was super tired..... which is when I'm more likely than ever to snore away... but still. It wasn't like I did it on purpose! poor guy looked so tired when he called into my office this afternoon. So - guess we'll just leave the futon out in the living room, and not bother bringing it into my room.... he'll just have to get used to the fridge making noise, and being woken up early by me. :) It's only a week - and I may be out of town for some of the week anyway.
I haven't heard anything from the new boss.... maybe tomorrow. Would be nice to know whether he wants me down here, or up in Wellington before next week. Wait and see. They did the internal email advertising my job today. they are actually thinking about the job description this time round, and getting the contract organised. wohoooo... still... I'm actually kind of worried about the person that will be taking over my job. That - and super protective of my clients. I want to know that they will be looked after alright!
Doesn't look like I'll get any time to show them the ropes - John will have to do it all. I just need to get my office organised, and all my stuff out of there.
I am still kind of sad about leaving. Had to tell a few more of my clients that I was leaving today. Nice to know I'll be missed... for a few days. :)
Anyway.... another late night... more snooring... no wonder I wake up so tired. yawned all through this morning and tonights lectures.
And I have band tomorrow.
Ciao
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