cheesy

OK... so that is one cheesy picture, but I had to laugh when I saw it. No idea what I was thinking - trying to take a pic of myself anyway. Madness!

Maybe one day I'll think about trying to capture the mullet? Jacx thought I was sooo over the top yesterday with my explosion about the haircut. OK, sure I was to any normal human being - but to me... NEVER! hehehe
I feel like I've got every right to be over the top. hahaha. If for no other reason than to keep the people around me on their toes.

Jacx will be here soon... and then she can actually witness the hair in it's natural state of being. That's sticking up EVERY-WHICH-WAY! I have serious BOOF! which really just makes me laugh more than anything now. It will grow!
And I won't be feeling brave enough to go see a hairdresser again in a long time. I forgot how much I hate hairdressers.

If I had to think of anything I was actually scared of.... that would be it! A bad haircut will scare me for a LONG time!

So... enough about that one.... I am over it... really I am.... I won't need the therapy... and I will take the hats off eventually.

sunbeams and daisies.

me - before haircut. :) 

nuts

So... haircut today, and while I love my hairdresser, I have no idea what the hell was going on in her head today?!
I went in asking for a shorter in length, with two layers.... top just bellow ear, and then longer to flick out.... how hard could that be? to me it hardly translates into LAYERS ALL OVER!!!!
Thankgoodness it is actually shorter, or I would be totally flipping out!!!
What is it they say about the 3 days between a good and bad haircut?! Praying.

I know it sounds so stupid... and I feel like I'm being totally irrational about a haircut. Trust me... fully aware, and this just makes me realise how nuts I am beginning to go.
I need a holiday. That must be it. Only I don't know where to go, or what to do. And then there is the whole - I'm alone enough of the time - I hardly want to go on a holiday by myself too. hehehe

We'll see.... I need to find something for me though, or I'm going to loose the plot. Of course... have a concert to get organised in the next couple of months. In fact - we've got a month! EICK!
So... guess I'll have more than enough to keep me busy.

On that note... better go do some emailing to get things rolling.

what a freak I'm becoming... thanks for putting up with it.

The Wood Pigeon in the orchard. 

View from the orchard. Not a great sunset, but silent beauty anyway. 

Anglican Church just outside of Nelson.... feels like it's totally in the middle of nowhere. Loved the Cherry Blossom. 

glorious...

Just home from the concert that I was helping out with tonight.

Parachute Band, who are a very cool NZ band that have been around for YEARS, and seem to get around the world at amazing speed are just WOW for worship.

It was great to sit there, and just soak up the passion, the emotion, and the heartfelt words that they sang. Of course.... we sang away with them.... and I just felt a sense of relief. After this week away, I guess there has been a stiring in my heart. Things have been different, and I don't think I can try to explain it all on here just yet.

For now I'm going to go fill up my hot water bottle, and curl up in the peace that still fills me, and sleep long.

Kia kaha

all over...

It was kind of a strange week away.

So many blessings..... much over thinking....
and right now, I think I just want to go climb up the hill and day dream away for abit on my own.

Just loading photos onto the albums, so that I can forget about them. :) Sneaky, I know. Not too many exciting ones this week. I stayed with friends who have an organic orchard just outside of Nelson and Motueka. It's such a beautiful spot. I got there while they were both out.... so just went and wandered around the orchard at sunset.... so still and peaceful. There was a woodpigeon having a feast, so I managed to grab a few pics of that. We talked alot about Canada. Their daughter has just moved to Toronto. They had originally started in England with my parents, and then moved to Montreal.... So, I've grown up with these guys, though never had them around. Doesn't really make alot of sense - does it. hehe. They are however, fantastic and gorgeous, and I do so enjoy spending time with them.

My mother called while I was cooking dinner.... and came up with the sudden idea that they head to Canada next year for Christmas. Perfect if I'm over there! :) Failing that - guess who will be looking after the farm then. hahaha. My parents are such nutters! They went out and grabbed some cheap fares to Melbourne a while ago.... thinking they would got to the Melbourne Cup. They arrive the day of the race, haven't got tickets to the races yet, and haven't bought a return flight either! hahaha She then asked if J&J would like to come to? With such a well thought out plan, I don't know how they managed to refuse. :) Now I know that I totally inherited my parents crazy travel genes.

I had better get moving here... the fidget thing is growing.... and have loads to get done before tonight.

but first... the hill..... I'll have to try and write an Ode to my beloved hill one of the days. hehe

Hope everyone had a great week!

Toodles for now.

and so it goes....

Finished packing, which is something I guess I'm getting better at. Amazing how much I can fit into my little suitcase. Seems funny that when I head up to the farm I need SO much more. hehe.
Was just looking at flights for the wedding. Better get those booked before I take off for this next week away. Looks like I'm going to fly into Rotorua on the Friday afternoon, and then out of Hamilton on the Sunday to try and make life easier for everyone. Not sure what to do about work on the Friday - but I'll figure that one out later.
Caught up with J&K today. Haven't seen them in ages, and it was so good to hear what they've been upto. A few of us went out for lunch after church, and just yarned away. It's funny how you get the different groups of people. All the way through High School I was always able to float between groups. Had no ONE group, just went between them all, and they spanned across the years. It was very cool to be able to just fit in, and have so many different friends, but I guess looking back - was I like that just so no one would actually really know me?
It's kind of the same now. I can fit into any group of people... and I enjoy meeting and getting to know them all, but do I have just one place where I feel like I belong. Nope.
Maybe that's why I prefer having time with just one person? Or maybe that's why I feel like my time here is over? I'd like to think that I've tried... and I know that Jacx and I will always be close, but it was pretty obvious, even before she got married that she was being swept up into another group. And it's one I can always jump into on the surface, but never all the way in. Mostly because it's all the newly married couples... totally different world to mine.

Anyway.... I'm zonked, so think I may actually have an early night before tomorrow. Probably quite a good plan to start the week off wide awake. :)

bonsoir x

flying...

The week has pretty much zoomed on by. My boss came down to catch up with me on Thursday, which was also my first day to eat. Everything went well... including the food aspect. :)

Now I just need to get abit braver with work, take some more risks, and I guess look forward to meeting my new boss.

I take off again tomorrow. Heading up North, into what looks like a week of rain. Of course I shall remain super optomistic. I haven't talked to Greg about me calling in on my way back, but hopefully he'll be around, and I can go laze in the hot pools while I'm there. Doesn't matter what the weather is like there. It will always remind me of Canada.

I talked to Nig the other night. He just took off to South America yesterday, and won't be back in the UK for over 2 months. He was super excited about it all... doing some volutry work over there for a while, which would be so cool, then backpacking his way around. He'll be back in England in Nov to find another teaching job, and then.... we thought we would catch up over his summer. So, hopefully regardless of where we both we, we'll find somewhere to hang out! He's keen to head back to Canada... and promised that he will come and find me. I wasn't the nicest friend in the world to him. Telling him exactly how it was.... he kept telling me how busy his life was, and how much he'd been doing, and how time just zoomed away from him. I just told him it was all a choice, and a reflection of his priorities. He had been telling me that he would call me since June. And while I left him messages, and sent him txts, I never heard anything from him, except the txt to say, I'll call you next weekend.... and it would never happen. Don't get me wrong, I know what busy is like, and I can totally understand time getting away from you. I just prioritise my life differently, and will always put people ahead of things. 3 months felt like long enough to let him know that he was slack. He couldn't even get around to emailing me his address so I could post his birthday present. hahaha. Silly boy!

Anyway.... told him I still loved him, and missed him lots. Was remembering back to what we flatted together over a summer at the school. It was madness. We both lived such busy lifestyles, and would go a whole week without even seeing eachother, but come the weekends.... it was always fun to catch up. laze around outside in the sun reading. I guess we've always been comfortable with silence. Not needing to talk all the time. Our crazy trips to the Port will always be such wacky memories. Playing 500 into the wee hours of the morning. John breaking the bed when we beat Nig! hahaha.... the canoe escapade which went slightly pear shaped, when we didn't bother to check the tide. Nig and I ended up on the other side of the river dragging the canoe along behind us, as we walked up to the point. It was hillarious! A Canadian Canoe on top of the hillman was quite a picture too. Shame I have no photos of any of the adventures. Great, great memories though! That bach certainly was a HUGE blessing back then.... and the fact that I was trusted to go up there with all my friends when I was so young. Brilliant stuff.

So.... my little walk down memory lane. Nig has been the one who has been around through all the big things in my life. And while I can't talk to him as much now, we still always manage to just pick up and run with it, regardless of how long it's been. When I first found out about bruce meeting someone else, I ran up to Auckland to get distracted... and Nig met me in a cafe with a huge bunch of flowers, and just let me cry. We ended up on a beach walking for miles.... watching the sea gulls, just being. I think he knew that there weren't actually any words you could use. He couldn't say that everything was going to be ok, because while you know it will be, you also know that who it can take forever before you'll feel ok again. He's been wiser than that. So, I do miss him. We haven't lived in the same city in gosh, 10 years. And maybe that's why we're such good friends still? hehehe.

He says he wants to move back to Christchurch when he gets back here... I told him that would be right... move back, and to Christchurch after I've moved! haha. He said he could probably do wellington as well though.

Right... I had better get moving. Going to be late.

Funny, I didn't even have the melancholic music playing in the background while I was writing all that. Song to suit the feelings right now.... ummmmmmm.....
Some Cure would probably do it. "Friday, I'm in love" although Mr and Mrs Flloyd might be more approriate - "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year....."

Songs will always drag me back to a place and time. Love it!

toodles.

trying...

Spent yesterday curled up in a ball... well, all afternoon anyway. Totally misearble. And when I asked Mike to read me a story, I was rebuffed. Cried out for my mother... who alas, obviously didn't hear my cries. So fell asleep. When I woke it was for a phone call. I eventually stumbled out of bed to be met by such smells from the living room. Now, some of you may understand when I say that the sweet smells of dinner cooking away just made me feel worse, and I made yet another visit to the bathroom. ARHG! Took some pain killers praying that they would stay down, and I would sleep again. I didn't like my chances.... but as I lay there praying that I would not only sleep, but wake up able to go to a meeting that i had set up a while ago out in Rangiora. I woke up this morning able to move, and with absolutely no stomach pains. It was awesome. A tractor had still met with me in the night, but not to waltz, as Mike asked. I showered, pain killered up, and went out to have a great meeting.
I made the fatal error of eating when I eventually got back home, but I was starving, knowing full well that I hadn't actually kept anything down in the last 32 hours. Was a silly mistake to make. My stomach is still complaining rather loudly. And now, the pain killers have worn off.... and I need to go and buy some more. hahaha. Trials and tribulations.

And yet, I've just finished reading a journal entry about Katrina.... and how it has affected this young lady. She ended it all with the words of Brittany Dillons song from her new album....

"whatever's in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah.."

So... as I go to pick up my pain killers - because I have a car, and can drive to the grocery store, but pain killers, and then come back to my warm bed in a clean house..... let me remember that I am so blessed, and have so much more to be thankful for in my life.

Help me to sing hallelujah!

thinking....

well... took me a while, but I did get the Map of the South Island up as a link. Seems my days of writing html may have left me. hahaha. I'd love to make the time to play around some more - one of these days. I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying having my beautiful beast back up and running, and just being able to check on things, write things, pay the bills, play around with pics. How did we actually survive before the internet came and took control of our lives?
Sure I guess it does mean less human contact, but at the same time... what about all my buddies out there in the great old world of cyber?

OK - so as well as the link to the beloved south island I threw in one for my yahoo pics. Figured it would be easier to just put up a whole lot of albums there, and people could see what they like. Still have a few to get up there... my last trip and some from the farm. I'll get there

About to head off to the movies with Miss Jacx. Queen Sheeba's Pearls is calling us. I'm dressed like a sloth, and quite happy to sloth my way there, but suspect that perhaps I should make abit more of an effort. It's quite cool the way movies can be either a dress up, or dress down event. I haven't been to see a show in ages, and do miss that whole excitement. The getting dressed up for something special.

Later gators.

One of the original buildings in Arrowtown. Built in the 1860's I think as the police station. It's right on the outskirts of the Chinese Mining Town, and is currently being done up. 

Cherry Blossom in Arrowtown 

another week...

You know, for a saturday the day is going quite slowly. It's like it's almost standing still, and I am finding time to get everything done. It's nice.
Onto laundry load 3 for the day, another one to go after this one. New sheets on the bed, the room still a bomb site, and the car in dire need of a wash and clean out. Especially since it's going in for a service on Monday. hahaha. They'd love to see it looking like this, I'm sure!
Hmmmm... I still can't get posts to load onto here. ARHG! Super annoying. Any idea anyone?
Got some cool shots through the Lindis, at the lakes, and even a couple at Arrowtown. Yes... I will try and find a map of NZ so that I can link the pics to the places. Does make perfect sense!
Was up the hill on my own this morning. Got distracted this morning though, so while I was up at 8, I didn't get up there till almost 11. Called in to see my friend Jase at the Super store on the way... and got to talking about music, and a concert that I really need to get moving on if it's going to happen. November is just around the corner. ARHG! What was I thinking?!
Anyway.... it was nice to see him, and hear the news. Feel very out of it with all things music. I blame the lack of computer keeping me in the dark. Then I could also blame my job. hahaha.... maybe I just need to make more of an effort?!
So... got up the hill eventually and so enjoyed my mocha and flan thing. I was so late they had run out of brioches for me! :(
Think I may have the house to myself again tonight. How's that... go away for a week, and come home to an empty house, just when I thought all sanity had flown out the door - it gets worse.
I've got loads to do though... so hardly a bad thing. Do feel as though it's easier to just sit in my room and issolate myself from everything when I get home. Part of the whole... I'm too tired to deal with things, and it's just become habbit to be alone. Does that make sense?
Anyway.... going to play around with pics, and hopefully get a link sorted so I don't have to bomb them all on this thing. You guys can decide whether you want to see what I'm doing.
OH... and I guess I will try and update on the whole trip thing too. There was a hitch hiker this week who is well worth mentioning. :)

Peace and joy

dawned

just realised that it's been 10 years since my grandmother died (my namesake) and almost a year since my nana died. probably has a little to do with my mood? but bizarre how everything else has been so bad. I'm pretty sure that I'm not projecting any of this onto the people around me.

Who knows?

maybe I need to start writing in my grateful journal again.... i know i still have much to be thankful for, it just feels pretty burried right now.

bring on the daffodils of tomorrow.... the cherries are just starting to come out along Hagley park. Hoping that I'm not going to miss the one glorious week where they are all out along this one stretch. It's just awesome to walk along there.... of course when the blossom starts to fall, that looks pretty impressive too. Jacx is hanging out for the tulips.

blah

what a day.
and a way to end the week!

it's all actually quite beyond me. I'm now sure how any of the pear shaped happenings came about? asking people how they are seems to be the wrong thing for me to do. i've had several people bite my head off, and been told to mind my own business by one person and told that I'm now officially "hated". for anyone who knows me, that's about the worst thing you could say to me, especially without telling me what I've done. in this case, haven't a clue. In actual fact, if anyone was going to say that, it would be me following what they had actually said to me. I don't get it.
All that came into my head was to apologise for whatever it was I'd done.
thank goodness it's monday tomorrow, and a new week can start. it can't be worse than this one.

better go pack, and get life sorted.
hope everyone has had a better weekend!

much love xx

Port Hills 

trouble..

I can't seem to upload images on my blog. Frustrating. So, back to picasa I go, and hello. Crazy stuff. Such is life I guess.

So... now I can go nuts! :)

saturday morning coffee..

Stumped... I keep trying to upload a picture of the view we didn't quite get this morning, while sipping away at our coffees, eating the decadent brioche, filled with chocolate, and berries.
No wonder I'm feeling as full as I am now... though several hours later.

Ains and I were up there for ages today... yaking about all there is to yak about. Was good to catch up with her. Jackie was off doing her training today, so didn't get up there with us. Poor thing had to be at the airport before 6 this morning, though, in retrospect - the girl was off to Brisbain for the day. How classic does that sound. Yeah.... I was in Australia for the day. hahahaha. Love it. She's super excited about her new job, and just raves about the training. Sounds like she's with a great bunch of people. She's all excited about the idea of a flat trip. Yes... we're off somewhere sunny. hahahaa.... of course, all way too poor to go anywhere just yet! Vanuatu isn't going anywhere though... of course, don't want to head that way during hurricane season. So, it can wait. There is always melbourne for a weekend. :)

Feels like it's nap time in my world, and I know I need to just make the most of these moments when they stumble along. If I don't sleep when I feel like it, I'm going to regret it next week.
Blurry eyed, and sniffly. Hay fever season is here with great gusto. That's what happens when you get such a mild winter. Shame about the lack of snow for all the skiing enthusiasts, but I don't think many people are minding the spring like weather already - and I know the lambs are loving it. Looked gorgeous with the lambs and daffodils out while I was driving around.

Right.... since I can't figure out the computer, guess I'll go snooze for abit, and tackle it all later on today.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

shades of...

So... as I was driving up to Blenheim, the beloved coast just outside of Kaikoura put on quite a display for me. It was a great night..... peaceful, but I was still super tired from the 4am airport trip the day before. Hence the evening photo really. I should have been in Blenheim by this time. hahaha.

Arrived home late this afternoon - driving back from the West Coast, which is just like another world. It really is something else. So green...and, well.... wet!

It rained pretty much the whole time I was there, and the whole drive home....
I guess that means that I don't have to wash the car tomorrow though? The inside is a dissaster area though, to put it nicely.
I think I may have shocked Jackie when she got into it before. By the end of the week I honestly feel like my life is beyond controlling, and I just kind of give up, figuring I can deal with the mess when I get home.
Guess that means that I had better deal with it tomorrow. The idea that I may try and take off on the next week with it being the same is just insane! :)

The last week away was probably the toughest. No idea why, really? I got kind of grumpy - at least the most grumpy that I've felt on the job, though I think it was all just me being lonely, and not enjoying the idea of being away all of next week as well. Crazy how I let myself get wound up about something that wasn't even here yet though!

Feeling much better now that I'm home, and I know that I get to curl up into my very own bed tonight.... with my pillows.... and, I get to sleep until I want to get up too. :) and to top it all off even more..... I get to go up the hill and have my breakfast fix. Ahhhhhh... the simple things in life really do make it ALL GOOD!

I did try and play around with my camera while zooming around. It was a little more rushed than normal. I guess driving down the coast was an interesting way to do it. Missed not heading off to see Greg in Hanmer. Would have enjoyed a soak in the hot pools, that's for sure!

I'm up in Nelson again in 3 weeks, so will go through Hanmer on my way back then. My boss is coming up with me, which should be interesting. Good thing he and I get on quite well. I'm sure we'll have a good time while he's down.

Right..... I've got to go sleep. The plot must be found before I can wander up the hill tomorrow. Think I'll be going on my lonesome tomorrow too. Jackie is off to Oz for the day. HAHAHA!
Madness.

toodles