P is for PIZZA!!! Obviously

Yes... one of those nights! :o)

About to go and make some monster pizzas on this gorgeous Spring evening. My cousin and his fiance are coming round for dinner tonight..... and nothing would beat pizza tonight.

It's a day where you want the sun to just keep coming.... the day to keep going. Of course, it's zoomed.
Had an awesome service this morning.... one of those inspiring sermons, where you actually feel like something in you has changed - or at least wants to desperately reach forward for all that is out there for me!

Also had a womans retreat this weekend. I'm shattered from a really full on weekend. Met some great new people.... and Jacx and I yaked into the wee hours on Friday night. I haven't done that in forever. Funny.... need to have more sleep overs. We were laughing away much of the night. Joking about howshe met Shayne, and the engagement.... all very cool.

I've realised how little I've actually seen of her this year. In fact, this year just feels like a huge blurrrrr.....
so much I haven't focused on, and I've been slack about.

Life Fm has taken a huge back seat, and that's gotta change.

I've almost forgotten about what I'm passionate about. Not like me at all.
So... time to stir it all up again.

Ohhhhh... exciting news on the job front. I'm finally getting my computer! YES!!! All it took was the one email to the BIG BOSS man. :o)
Kind of points out the obvious to me again. Unless you ask, how can you get?

So... need to actually get my office sorted out tomorrow. Decided I'm going to change my desk around.... don't think I'll have to move the filing cabnet, which would be a mission and a half. Last time I had to empty everything out, and that I can do without.

Got a parcel in the mail this weekend.... yes... miss bethany sent over the new Bebo cd for me! Everyone in the house say YAY!!!

Just listening away to it now.... mellow as, always... but some cool words going on.

Makes a change from Vegie Rocks.... "Everyone has a water baffalo.." how can you not love that song? hahahaha...... Superchic*k at their very best I would say. Almost beats Princes and frongs?!

Righty ho... better get moving on the pizza front.

Mum and Dad were both chatting to me for abit, but seems they've gone and got distracted by something else on here?

Leave you with some Bebo

"Everything is alright, everything is so bright. Yeah the sun is shining beautiful and everyone is singing, everyone is dreaming. Yeah, the world is so colourful. "

Understand?

hungry hippo

Does anyone still have that game? Do they even still make it?

Not exactly what I'm refering to right now.... but a thought that sprung from it all.

Have had a great day.... don't you love it when that happens. :o)
Who doesn't love a great day at work.

Actually.... I have to say I like it when I'm there on my own. Not because I don't love John - but more the fact that I can just get on with what I need to do, and while there will always be interuptions.... I can get more done.
So, it's been abit of a missions week.... getting quotes done, orders out and caught up on the ever increasing pile of paper work which needed to be entered into the computer. Abit of a worry, really.
John did poke his head in for a little while... admited as he left that he had gotten very little done, but hey - the guy is supposed to be on holiday. What was he doing there to begin with?!

I braved an emailto the BIG BOSS yesterday... figuring I had nothing to loose.... something to gain! Asked him where my computer was? hahaha... he emailed back immediately saying he would go and question that one. Haven't heard anything since. It's not a big deal now because I can jump on John's... but when he gets back - CHAOS. The pre-christmas rush is on....

Talk to mum early this morning - the joys of waking up so early! :o) Seems she is pretty excited about becoming a Grandmother. Actually more than I expected her to be. YAY! Also sounds like Dave and Kirsten have changed their wedding from March to next November - which should make my flying plans a little easier.

Need to get a Diary pretty quickly to get everything into it now.

Right... zooming off to catch up with an old flatmate. I thought we were going to get to sit outside under the stars, but it's now beautifully overcast. Bummer. Ah well.....

Cherio

stuck...

In a moment that you can't get out of.....

sound familiar? Yeah... Bono at his almost best......
I still prefer the whole.... Running to Stand Still, but this one isn't bad either. :o)

Big News.....
Found out yesterday that I'm going to become an Aunty. WOWeeeeeeeeee

My little brother Tamati, and his lovely wife Tessa are expecting Bambino numero uno at the end of June. I still haven't spoken to mum.... dying to know how 'she's taken the news. I know not so long ago she was talking about how she would like to be a grandmother. I don't think she was really expecting it to happen this soon. hehe. JOYS!

Tam and Tess will make fantastic parents though... slightly ditzy at times... but there will be so much love in that house. I'm super excited for them!
Of course.... I've always wanted to be an Aunt.... but could probably deal with it all abit better if I was actually around to play with this little one. OK - so they're not around just yet.... but I am thinking about next year... and how I'll feel to not be apart of this ones life. haha

Different if I'm in another country.... but to be living in NZ, and just on the other island. Nuts!

Oh well.....

Dave and Kirsten had their engagement party on Sunday night..... and sounds like it was a great time. Finally all of the whanau got to meet everyone. Super important when it comes to our family! Everyone just kind of gets included - the family is growing to huge preportions. Brilliant stuff. The golf tournament at Christmas this year will certainly provide more challenges with the added numbers. Of couse - we've still got Ellie and Joshie away in England, and Simon and Rosalind overseas too... so that's a few that won't be around.
We'll make up for it with the extras we've picked up over the year. :o)

Time to actually start thinking about present shoping. yay. only 9 weeks till Christmas. Time sure flies.
That means only 6 weeks till Jacx and Shanes wedding... and whew, I'd better get onto the whole Hen's party chaos! Thinking a car rally would be all good... enough action to keep Jacx amused, and enough pranks to keep everyone else in fits of laughter.

Hmmmmmmm........

Going to have to be an earlish night here.... was up and bouncing around the house at 4:20. CRAZY! Ains took off to Australia and we all headed to the airport to hold her hand. Good fun.
Of course, got home a little before 7, and couldn't see the point of trying to sleep then... so I went for a lovely walk..... watched the ducks swim around the river... and just woke up properly. Was actually pretty nice... but I really am not designed to be doing these things early in the morning. Give me my night time walks any day! No idea why that is.... I'm the same with swimming... feels like way more of a strain to do it in the morning.

righty ho....

toodles

finding out....

WOW......

The week has kinda zoomed, and at the same time been soooo long. I haven't had a whole lot of time to sit... in fact, emails have been left for today to be replied to - which is unlike me.

Went and had dinner with friends last night that I haven't just hung out with in over a year. I was quite good friends with Paul before he got married.... but things so often change after marriage. It's been super good for him, and I so appreciate both him and Les.

So... long weekend is upon us... and yesterday, while being swomped in quotes that are half finished, and still sitting on my desk.... kind of whispering at me to head in there later today to get them finished, I just wanted to bolt... thoughts of heading to Auckland, Tonga, Bali, Sydney last minute to just get away from everything here. A change of scene with some different company.... to laugh at life, and all it's little quirks.
Alas, I chose the wrong person to make these suggestions to - and surprise, I've been perceived as being someone who gets "Attached" easily.
Hmmmmmmm..... Agreed, there are few people out there with whome I feel I can sit and be myself, and I felt that Mike was be one of them. Maybe I'm wrong..... funny how people read more into something... or maybe it's just funny how people perceive different situations? or handly friendships?
I've known that the friendship has meant more to me.... no doubt about that one. He is one of these people who likes people, but is fiercely independent, and doesn't actually ever need to have anyone around. There are times where he'd enjoy company, but few and far between.....

While I enjoy being alone.... I also love being around people who make me laugh, and make me think... and accept me.
I wanted a weekend where I could just be.

Anyway.... that's the way it goes. We learn and grow, and friends come and go in our lives.... and right about now.... he has loudly said.... fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. lol

Funny for someone who likes to think of themselves as being independent - how dependent I am on people in my life. Good/Bad? both, I'm sure!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stayed up super late the other night because I couldn't put the book down. "Never Change" , which was about a guy who was diagnosed with a brain tumour, and was being nursed by a girl that he went to school with. Both are in their 50's. It was just beautifully written... but yes, what was I thinking reading about someone who dies of a brain tumour??? hahaha. There was this glimmer of hope in me, that just maybe, he would live. Nope..... so I cried bucketloads.....

But it was a good book.

Next book... far more lighthearted. :o)

Right... the day is going... and washing waiting to be hung out. Murky kind of day.... Ains leaves on Monday for Oz for a couple of months.... watch this space as the house dynamics take another shift in the breeze.

Ciao

a silly thing to do.... but check it! :)

sometimes i just get so mad.

Actually... wouldn't you love to make a link.... just because....

http://canoppener.blogspot.com.... for an explanation!

tonight... tonight....

So... had ministry team meeting tonight......
It seems like it's been ages since I was last at one. Colleen gets up and just says... wow, it is so good to be here, and to see you all..... you're all gorgeous!
I cracked up.
Perhaps it had more to do with the space that I'm in... the whole... hating myself, and trying to deal with it, so will laugh at any comment that comes flying my way.....

It was a good night though... encouraging, and great to hear what the spiritual family are doing around the world.

This weekend Colleen was speaking, as Pastor B was away in Auckland speaking at the church up there, (WOHOOO) and she was challenging us to have a vision, and plan for our life... Something that I have been struggling with.... focusing on getting through each week, figuring out where I'm at with work, where I'm at with the praise and worship team, what is it God is wanting me to get involved in?
I think I forgot the most important thing.... a car that is sitting still can't be steered! Or a boat with the sails down will go nowhere!
I've been so busy trying to figure it out - that I've forgotten to keep stepping forward.... to believe in my ability to make choices, and the fact that God won't just abandon me, and leave me to fall on my face if it's the wrong direction for me?!
So little faith.

So... I've been sitting at the same level.... ever comfortable, but so unsatisfied with what I've been doing, and where I've been going, which is a Big NOWHERE. hehe.

Time to get moving... to start believing in myself, and what it is I want to do with this life of mine.

Long weekend ahead, and a great opportunity to sit down and actually write down the things I want to get done. Time has zoomed by this year, and I don't think I've actually done much of what I would have liked to. It's been productive as far as work goes....I've learnt a huge amount... and as far as music goes - Praise and Worship, I've learnt abit.... but have not stretched myself hugely in any other areas.
DUH!

things to think about.

week ends

So... another Friday night has rolled on up. YAY! This week has been pretty full on.

The day in Auckland, spent in a small, somewhat stuffy boardroom actually ended up being more productive than I perhaps thought possible!
While the training itself was waffly, and perhaps a little frustrating - I'm one of those kinesthetic learners, who need to have the thing in front of me to really gain any kind of understanding of what's being talked about - the time spend talking to the other sales guys who are based up there, and the big boss man, who stuck his head in to catch up with us was pretty informative and helpful too.
I was able to share abit more about my situation, and the way things have been going since starting the job almost a year ago - which was good stuff. He's made some promises about changes that will take place in the next couple of weeks - though I don't think holding my breathe would be a good idea. hehe. Still.... all in all - not a wasted day. It was exhausting though! hehe.
Went out for dinner with some friends last night.... awesome little Japanesse restarant. Good to catch up, and just chill out with Erin and Sarah. We even romped down to the mall afterwards - more like waddled our way to grab an icecream. Talk about indulgent! Bumped into another friend while we were down there. Seems I don't often go out for dinner with people these days. Benny and I always do when he's around - though the amount of time it takes for us to decide what exactly we would like to eat is a marathon in itself! (Gotta love the boy!) Other than him... I tend to stick to the coffees.
Kind of miss the American days, where going out for dinner is just more common. Perhaps not good - but still - more places that grab me than over here.

So the question of all questions right now......

What would make me happy? Am I so dissatisfied right now?

shall ponder away....

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

OK... my silly cat was going nuts last night.... meowing anywhere she could - first outside my window - which I finally got up to open in a very sleepy state, only to find she had moved on. Actually left my window open all night too - must mean spring is here?!
She then continued her meowing spree throughout the house. I think Ains and I were the only ones to really suffer... and I always thought I was a deep sleeper?! Imagine how bad it would be if I had kids! ARHG!

Anyway.... day gone, and I'm about to crawl into bed to sleep long and hard, before I have to be up before dawn to get to the airport. yes.... tomorrow is training day in Auckland. Looking forward to pulling apart this programme they've spent so much on getting which is of no use to us. SUCKERS! hehehe
Hey - at least I get two plane rides, and a day away from my office, which I left in an absolute state in a mad rush to get to band practice tonight. hahaha. Thursday is going to be quite the day.

on that note...

sweetdreams

tell me why - I don't like mondays. hehe

Yes - can't you hear BOB crooning away in that raspy voice of his....

and what a depressing song to have as a title.

meanwhile.... I guess today I did kind of have a case of Monday'itis. Normally I like going to work. (perhaps not getting out of bed initially - but that passes quickly enough) Today, I was just in a slump.
More bad dreams... and maybe more reality?

Life is, as ever, changing..... and while the road is sometimes bumpy - it's exciting too think what could be around the corner.

Actually, really looking forward to the end of this year, and just seeing where things take me. I have commited myself to this job for the rest of the year - and quite possibly on till May next year when the 2 big jobs will be over. Beyond that, I don't feel a real sense of loyality. haha. They've had me for long enough, and I will have gained a fair amount of experience to take with me to something new. WOHOOOO.... bring it on!

I've been encouraged by a friend to take on some new form of sales, which would be very cool. realise that my self-confidence, in actually believing I have enough skill to go into this field... I know that I've learnt alot, and I know that I'm good at what I do - but transfering all of that to a new job - scary.
The encouragement is all good though! :o) I certainly appreciate it.

Pastor B was talking about encouragement yesterday..... my favourite line from his sermon:

"An encouraged heart is unstoppable!"

How true is that!!! We all need to be encouraged in different areas of our life. Thinking about it - a perfect way for us to know which path we are supposed to be travelling along.

Need to make tonight a night of catching up...... I wrote mum a postcard the other day, but still haven't posted it. Might actually walk down to the post box now.

Looks like abeautiful calm evening.... perfect for being out and about.

Be strong and courageous!

a day for wondering

So... no sleep in for the wicked.

I was out of bed around 6 to let Lilly in my window.... I think I slumbered for a little while after that, but pretty disturbed slumber, and was out of bed by 8. Guess I didn't really need the sleep.

Have had chaos with the computers today. Yes - no online activity from 10:30 this morning, which cause quite a stir. haha. Funny how reliant we've become on being able to just access the internet at any moment.

Spent many minutes on the phone with different people trying to figure out what the problems were. Most amusing that I had them as puzzled as I was. I love the fact that it wasn't an easy fix, and I didn't have to feel incapable! :o)
Yes, the little things do amuse me.

I had lunch with Ains up on the hill, which was delightful. Nice to catch up with her, enjoy the view and a big bowl of mocha!! Then we head off to pick up the last bit of material for my bridesmaid dress (Fiasco). YAY. May be finished by tomorrow?!

I went and watched "THE NOTEBOOK" with a girl who works with Jiljane - Jo, who I hardly seem to see these days. Really cool chickadee, that I have alot of time for. Was a great surprise having her call to see if we could get to the movies this evening. We'd emailed eachother about it for the next couple of weeks.
Anyway..... lovely movie. The book has to be one of my absolute favourites! And they did a pretty good job of pulling it into a movie. I cried, and got carried away with the characters. Was so sweet - had a lovely old lady sitting next to me after the movie who just laughed when I said I'd forgotten how much I cried when I read the book - and should have expected at least half of that at the movie. :o) We talked about some of Nicholas Sparks other books. She didn't know that A Walk To Remember had been made into a movie, so was off to get that one out on Video to her delight.
I think it would have been a movie that my grandparents would have gone to see..... they had that kind of relationship - like the characters in the book. It was beautiful to watch them grow together.... heartbreaking when Granny died - but just a testiment of their love.

Off to go do battle with the room, which is something I've been putting off beautifully all day. :o)

into the night....... breathe

NZ Ski Fields

nzski.com


Check out the beauty of it all...... yeah - I missed another season. Quite surprised it's all ending already. Still been kind of cold around here!! (Drat the electric blanket not working!)

Life fm - Listen Live

Life fm - Listen Live


Here you go - great station to help pass the day - even some cool Kiwi accents to!! :)

blunders....

Just home after having a night with the girls.
Went round to Jacx place for a good ol'night of pizza and cheesy girlie vids.

I can't actually remember the last time I did that. I have seriously issolated myself this year. On purpose I guess too.

We watched Princess Diaries, which, while being super cheesy - is still filmed in San Fran - and I've just got to appreciate those flashes of the streets, and just soaking in the memories that I have of the great city. I'd love to go and explore those streets some more. Kind of took it all for granted while living in the Bay that i never spend enough time down town. It's such a cool city though!

So... home to bed now.

I'm so looking forward to a sleep in tomorrow..... just pray that I can sleep and sleep and sleep. My head is all fuzzy, and brain blurry.

room tidy up tomorrow too... all those mundane little things that I've got to get done. Yes, I'd like to be able to see my desk again! :o)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......
big thoughts about people, places, and purpose.

but think they can wait for tomorrow.

moonbows and stars

In Hagley Park - ok - Autumn, rather than spring.... but still stunning stuff! 

sunsets and daffodils...

Was driving through the park the other day, and realised that spring is past springing, cause the dafodils have pretty much moved on, and the cherry blossom - in all it's spendor is rainging on the ground now.... looks mystical when the wind picks up, and blows the petals everywhere.... but it does make you wonder at the amazement of the one perfect week - where everything is just coated in blossom.

Christchurch is beautiful at this time of year. However, my feet are itching.
The idea of making it over for Darryl and Linds wedding next year, in Jamestown, would be brilliant. hahaha... I have to meet the chick who won his heart over. Yes - another Canadian bites the dust!

Figuring out how to travel and fit in all the weddings is quite hillarious. This is when you realise that while living overseas is awesome, and exciting - it does mean that you miss out on other things. Have I had enough of all the family things so that I'm ready to leave them for a while. I make that sound so kind of clinical, and sterile, which isn't at all how I view my family. I love them to bits, and love the times that we get to have together - but I also value gaining the new experiences.... and it would seem, that you can't always have both?!

So..... time to refocus, and figure out the next stage of the journey.

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing!

bliss

say won't you say.....

Whew.... just lost a super long blog. Don't you love it when the computer seems to be against you! There are evil boggies in the system somewhere, and they don't want my thoughts out there to polute the world, and all other bloggers. hahaha. Evil cackle right back at you!!!

BUT..... I'm slightly more composed in comparison to before, and feel ready to almost doze off. This week seems to have run away with me - and I realised my blogs have been few and far between - what a slacker am I.

This morning did not start terribly well.

For anyone out there who has woken in floods of tears, you will understand. Yes, I woke myself up sobbing, and I've only done that once before that I can distinctly remember. The last time was when I was back in Canada, and someone died in my dream..... then, like this morning, it was so real.

I was standing in front of Nana, and she was just telling me that I was special, and everything would be ok.

I don't know what she was refering to in any way.... and I don't know what about it made me cry, unless it was just me realising that she was gone?

Yes, today, it has sunk in that she isn't around any more. I don't know why it's taken so long. The whole week I was up on the farm I was feeling so sick, and when I wasn't out on the farm, was pretty much curled up sleeping, or keeping busy, that it didn't really register, and I was aware of that.
Today - while I was super busy, if I sat down, thought for any length of time, tears came to my eyes. Funny to think about now - but still sad.

I found my last card from her sitting in front of my computer when I sat down. Got it from her the same week I went to Auckland, which is pretty impressive. Especially when I think about how incapable she was of doing anything then. Everything was a huge effort.
Inside her card were some notes that she'd found somewhere, and thought they were quite a good suggestion. hehe. Gotta love her.

Thoughts about marriage:
1. Not too quickly
2. Not too young
3. Not too eager
4. Don't try to please someone with your choice
5. Don't marry someone until you know them in lots of different ways (how they think etc)
6. Don't get married with unrealistic values
7. Don't marry anyone with personality problems unless you are willing to live with that - deal with it. 95% can be known about that person before marriage
8. Keep eyes wide open before marriage - closed after that

When I was talking to Ngaroma after the funeral and told her about the note, she told me that nana had her copy one for me and one for Huia - my cousin who is the same age as me, and also still single, while our younger cousins are getting married around us. Brilliant stuff.
She was pretty good at handing out the advice, while never forcing anything down your throat - letting you figure most of it out for yourself.

So...... something to work through. Jacx told me last week that i had a right to grieve, and who knew how long it would take to get over. I just laughed at her... cause I was fine. SO FINE! hahaha

So... the different ways to deal with this?

Mum rang last night to say thanks for her pressies. of course, she had more news, besides the disasters that took place at trivia night. haha.
Anyway - my great aunt, who mum and I went to visit while we were in England a couple of years ago was in a car accident around Christmas time (Those terribly narrow roads in summerset!!) She was in hospital for quite a while then, and was finally let out, when she had a stroke. She died yesterday.
I was just thinking about her the other day. She had a rule with mum and I to send eachother PPP's ... Pretty Picture Postcards everywhere we went. I was looking for a good one to send her. Gutting!!
Mum and I were both just glad we'd gotten to spend some time with her when we did!! Yes - something good always comes out of the disasters in our lives!! hehe. (I had run over there, and everything had turned to seriously gluggy custurd... so mum came over and we travelled around together having a GRAND time... not once killing eachother in the streets - except for that close call in Oxford, for which I still feel terrible!)

So... while I've had the serious number of engagements in my life...... I'm just praying this isn't a switch to another circle of life!
emotional rollercoasters and me seem to go hand in hand.

on that note.....

bed.

sunny saturdays....

Who could ask for more?

Actually got a pretty good nights sleep.... which helps, and while I was woken at 5:30 by the wonderful purry creature meowing outside my window to be let in.... I seemed to manage to get back to sleep. yay.

So, what to do with this glorious day?

Time to get my room sorted.... pack up the things that we don't need in the house... all the kitchen stuff..... I need a new trunk! ;) Would be perfect for pilling everything into right now. Might have to have a wonder around and see if I could find something. Doubtful. Don't seem to come across things like that here.

meanwhile.... moving on? finding a new house here. Yes, the idea of buying one appeals so much more than moving into another place.... but then, the idea of having a place to myself appeals more!! I was delivering some stuff the other day to some clients who manage lots of different apartments in the city.... this one was kind of cool. Not very big, but I could have handled it. WOuld have been a cool place to call my own.
Anyway.... we'll see.

tiptoeing through....

Bring on the weekend!!! :o)

I'm ready for a huge nights sleep, and getting lost in the dream world tonight. It's been a mammoth weekend, and in all honesty feels like I just had 3 squashed into 1!! The work that was waiting for me after 2 weeks of being away was HUGE. Still.... Wouldn't be there if I didn't love it.

Of course... with turning down the other job, came the sorting out of this job, and trying to figure out what was going to happen with it. Realizing that they have no clue at all as far as what I do! Clueless.... but that's the way I guess. Was thinking about the things that are keeping me here in New Zealand, and in all honesty - the biggest thing would be the job. Yes... I love my family - but living in the South pretty much means that I've isolated myself from them beautifully. So... they aren't really holding me here - though with all these weddings, I guess being here for most of them the first half of the year is a must. hehe.
So.... yes, there are friends - but I don't know if that would be enough to keep me here either.... The thing that I've been pulled to the most has been this job. It's been me... something that I could sink my teeth into, and just grow in, which has been fantastic. I've learnt a huge amount... but I don't think after this year that it will be enough. Of course, with the feelings of wanting to bolt (for want of a nicer word?! ) is it worth me finding something else... or just plodding along gaining all the experience I can, while I'm there, and getting the experience to put on the ol' cv? I'm not sure.

Looks like the States will be happening in May - after the wedding rush, and the madness of work. Should I just pack up everything completely, and take off permanently then? It's certainly an idea. head to the states and catch up with people.... see how it all is now... and then head upto to Canada - or over to England?

An option.

crazy

nuts

but still.......